Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though, he's "not a rapist." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML
Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping at me while pointing at his dick. FML
Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML
Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML
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Top comments
xcarxcrashx 9
If he said it it must be true.
Three4Ten 10
Well at least he's not a rapist!
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Comments (193)
kimg0885 23
At least you have someone looking out for you at ALL times?
olpally 33
Canada has friendly people... But still, that would creep me out just hearing that comment... :/
TheDrifter 24
Man I hope that "homeless" guy wasn't me on a bender, it sounds like something my drunk brain would come up with as a reassurrance.
olpally 33
I agree, however, I was just on vacation for 9 days and i was drunk every single day... Lol. :D
dsl1123 8
Rule #9 - Never go anywhere without a knife.
downtime 13
If those rules are for "How to fail at life" then that sounds about right.
boofybluth 6
Sorry but partly your doing. Why would you let him grab your hand I would have ran.
pupsi 3
I would punched on his face n kick his nuts hahaha
videokid2000 10
I'm pretty sure she didn't let him grab her hand... Unless you have ninja reflexes, it's pretty hard to stop someone from grabbing you.
Tempest559 12
That clears everything up on the rape issue, now you just have to figure out why he's homeless and what that smell is and you can start your new lives together. I love a happy ending.
outoftown 27
OP, seriously, call the local police station and tell them exactly what he said and did. They may know of him, and in any case can advise you.
tnttse 6
Theres always a silver lining!
BroadwayGirl16 6
At least you know you're loved...? Maybe? No? I would consider moving...
wickedwyatt234 3
Seems legit...
Nnycr 4
If it makes you feel better OP, I once dated a man with no income and no established home.... now that I think about it ..... RUN OP RUN!