Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Just tell him that "your" dick loves ******* "his" pussy. Problem solved.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
a brain fart over a real fart any day
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
khoov19 20
maybe it was just wishful thinking
zboot 8
I like how. nobody assumed they're both men or both women
Britt125 16
Yeah, there's a reason for that. It's indicated that OP is a woman, and she said he in reference to her fiance... so there's only the one assumption that can be made.
kerstileann 26
nobody assumed that because its fairly obvious that this is a man and a woman.
touch_phobia 13
OP said "his", and since the OP also said it was a brainfart, I think we're assuming he's cis. With a penis. And I wouldn't know if the OP is male, female, or any other gender.
MTJY 21
These things happen. At least it wasn't a real fart.
katertott 44
Wait, exactly whose FML is it? HE'S the one who said it! lol too funny. :)
Britt125 16
This is just really funny. I imagine it's more of an F his life, I bet he was pretty embarrassed by that one. XD
brandoneyez1 25
Thinking went out the window... All the blood left his head. Lol
Sheepalicious 20
Someone wants to be a woman!
ladyLALAA 29
I feel your pain OP, once I said to my ex boyfriend "**** my dick" instant boner killer.
maharb01 17
"my dick feels just like corn" sounded good at the time. . . .
SchlomoTheGrinch 18
Damn brain, getting in the way of sexy time!