Love: Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 17:57 - Norway - Haugesund

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 526

You deserved it 9 050

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Same thing different taste

My pleasure

By billjoebob424 - 07/02/2020 01:00 - Canada

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 725

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 14:03 - United States - Charlotte

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 2 762

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 05:13 - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 421

You deserved it 9 047

By Seabiscuit - 06/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 488

You deserved it 77 731

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 332

You deserved it 4 234

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 876

You deserved it 4 552

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 06:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 572

You deserved it 239

By gassygirlfriend - 10/05/2015 08:40 - United States - Nampa

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 038

You deserved it 5 127

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 676

You deserved it 9 280

Next

Top comments

joshiepo0 18

Sunday 13 January 2013 3:17

Massage her before sex.

DocBastard 38

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:09

Remotely intelligent?

Comments

goreajek 13

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:20

Now that you know you need practice, go and get some. Cause everyone knows practice makes perfect. But if she ever asks how you got so good... well thats all you my friend.

krakhd 15

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:34

what a shmoe.

spikekutter 9

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:36

pretend its foreplay next time..

thejust666 6

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:47

Tell her- "I haven't had as much practice as you"

jujubunni5 9

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:48

Maybe you guys weren't meant to end up together? I've heard great sex leads to a great marriage.

DrunkButterfly 17

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:52

There's alot more to relationships than sex.

perdix 29

Sunday 13 January 2013 5:28

#48, yes, but if the sex is lousy, many other parts of the relationship suffer. If the pre-marital sex is unsatisfying, it's all downhill from there.

EvilUndead 9

Sunday 13 January 2013 5:49

48, there are many different kinds of relationships. Some involve sex, some don't. Some consist mostly of sex, some don't. Also marriage does not always mean sex.

jujubunni5 9

Sunday 13 January 2013 16:19

Hey. I'm not saying this is written in stone. I'm 17 and not married so I'm just saying..

laden_swallow09 34

Sunday 13 January 2013 16:39

Saying… what? What for? SPEAK, GIRL!

U_GotitDude 18

Sunday 13 January 2013 4:54

Lmfao, can't relate lol

perdix 29

Sunday 13 January 2013 5:19

#49, you mean your massages suck, too?

otoniel 4

Sunday 13 January 2013 5:18

**** and backrub at same same time lol

SPRKY 6

Sunday 13 January 2013 5:25

Double massage!

mofoitsthepopo 6

Sunday 13 January 2013 6:46

Oy vey... You should get back at her.. Like next time she makes food, say "this tastes bad, but still better than when we have sex"

DocBastard 38

Sunday 13 January 2013 7:41

Perfect plan. Then she stops cooking AND *******. Brilliant. Maybe you want to rethink that, champ.

mistercrow 9

Sunday 13 January 2013 7:10

There is many things better than sex and a good ol back rub is one of them.

j_cat187 19

Sunday 13 January 2013 10:07

You must have terrible sex then.

tj5810 21

Sunday 13 January 2013 12:42

97- you must get shitty back rubs.

tanekdrachonae 19

Sunday 13 January 2013 8:02

Sometimes you've got to say hey! I'm gonna **** you softly. I'm gonna screw you gently.

AlkaliSam 6

Sunday 13 January 2013 15:07

Will you order in from Zanzibar after?

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The Top

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 222

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 731

You deserved it 489

The Top

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 100

You deserved it 1 040

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 843

You deserved it 4 005

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 886

You deserved it 5 655

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 987

You deserved it 47 267

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 871

You deserved it 43 966

Today, after watching Shrek, my little brother started collecting his earwax to make it into a candle like Shrek did. I can’t get him to throw it away even after bribing him with bags of candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 195

You deserved it 333