Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I had to piss really bad, so we stopped at a gas station. I guess I had to pee so bad that I didn't think to check the PUBLIC toilet. My mom went in after me and when she got back in the car, she asked me if I'd pooped, which I hadn't, then she told me that the seat was covered in it. Actual shit. FML
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
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Top comments
Rozza17 29
Well she did listen...in ways
sleepyglowstar 32
that really sucks. unfortunately small children can be rather literal!
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Comments (102)
thisisg 9
yeah, they're very specific!
Zach2014 11
What a great kid.
vikky538 29
lol... this would be a childhood unforgettable memory ... don't spread it to relatives... keep it as family memory...
dachayke 16
This sounds like something that would show up on some soccer mom's blog.
skyeyez9 25
She is a toddler and they can't hold in their bowels very long once they have to go. So by the time you walked in the door, it just came out. She couldnt make it to the toilet without crapping her pants.
howdoilogin 9
Can't help but reminisce about the newgrounds game "Don't Sh** Your Pants".
patrioticamerica 3
smart kid
bodysurfswell1 2
Seems like you have a lot of shit on your hands
worldclassrager 41
Sure hope it was outside...
beautifulsoul89 11
Its the life of having kids, oh the joys!! Least she listened to you and waited till she got home instead of pooping her pants, so you can't be that mad. I have a 2 year old and if he can't make it to bathroom he pulls his pants down and poops. Yes very inconvenient, but its still a learning process for them. And alot easier than to clean up stinky poop clothes!