Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I had to piss really bad, so we stopped at a gas station. I guess I had to pee so bad that I didn't think to check the PUBLIC toilet. My mom went in after me and when she got back in the car, she asked me if I'd pooped, which I hadn't, then she told me that the seat was covered in it. Actual shit. FML
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
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Top comments
Rozza17 29
Well she did listen...in ways
sleepyglowstar 32
that really sucks. unfortunately small children can be rather literal!
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Comments (102)
Indianboy9321 25
Ah...these are the moments you'll cherish later to parental-blackmail your kid when they're older... Haha but in all due seriousness, teach her that "poop" and "pee" belong in the toilet and not on the floor.
jellybeens_fml 16
Time to take out the belt.. ;D
drizzy11 18
Violence is never the answer.
StompinOnCrayons 15
Time to take out the mop and bucket / scrubbing brush
dachayke 16
Sorry, jellybeens, but do you ever make comments that don't get downvoted?
EdenCrystal 21
#25, it reminds me of those bleach commercials
soragirlfriend 8
Pretty sure he's a troll. edit: That was for stompinoncrayons
pdp_fml 21
She is a three year old and they can be very amusing. I hope that you didn't have carpet to clean.
chuka81 27
Time to go to my shelf of over-used phrases. Thats a shitty situation, I guess kids do the darndest things.
AhouKaho 11
Can't really argue with that logic though hehe
shhhaaarrron 12
Touché
Mynamewontfi 40
Close enough. The logic of kids that age is amusing.
Anata_fml 10
A lot of clean work!!
DaggNabbit 8
Better out than in.
StompinOnCrayons 15
*shrek voice * That's what I always say !
brandoneyez1 25
Kids are the best. I did something similar when I was a kid.
dachayke 16
When I was a kid, I stuck my hand in my diaper and showed it to my dad to tell him that I needed it changed. He wasn't paying attention, so he kissed it, thinking i was telling him I hurt my finger. After he realized, the mouthwash bottle was used up quicker than Usain Bolt with a Mario star. So I think we've pretty much all done something like that.
brandoneyez1 25
I told my mom I needed to go to the bathroom, and she said ok go. So I pissed on the floor where I stood. She said go... Lol
dachayke 16
Haha. Kids are really unpredictable.