Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone fell silent as my dad began to pray for our meal. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
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Top comments
intensitive 11
That's when you say, "Don't blame me for your rancid gas, bitch!"
DarkPrince_fml 0
I wouldve said this as loud as possible IM TELLING MOM UR PREGNANT
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Comments (101)
CallMeHush 1
Shit happens, Next time you go and trash some body's bathroom walk out with your arms in the air like you won the Indy 500. Once you have taken control of the situation it will be much less embarrassing.
sprite123 0
hey dont listen to #14. i love the name brian! its my bf's name :)
Twi_lover_EC 6
Family may make fun of you but it is all in fun. Not to make you feel bad. Well...that's how my family is. ;)
CallMeHush 1
Dick shaped Valentine's Day cookies.
CallMeHush 1
my comment fail ^^^^ that was in response to your question @ 6 pendatic.
MTANDY 0
ha th@s funny...i prob would've done tha same thing if i were ur sis
Poetic_catfish 0
So why didn't you flush?
eeeeeeee 5
Yeah, being made fun of by family members is not anywhere near as bad as having, say, a new boyfriend/girlfriend doing so.
jessxoxo28 5
lmao, what did u eat?
harrypotterfan12 0
i agree with darkprince...... that sucks like hell...... but, u hav to admit it is pretty damn funny..... again, hell.....
UhhhDuhhh 0
Your mom ;),