Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls... - FML

By dummy441 - 21/4/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

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Everyone's an expert

Tidy your room

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 30/3/2016 13:25 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 20:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

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By harry - 4/12/2009 05:55 - Hong Kong

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

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By Noname - 7/2/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

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By thafinest - 12/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML

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By KittenTime - 26/5/2011 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

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By Megannn - 1/5/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 16/4/2011 00:52 - United Kingdom

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2018 05:00

Today, my mum put up a sticky fly trap to try get rid of our fly problem. My phone started ringing and I jogged to answer it, but my hair got suck in the trap. My mum had to pull my hair out of the sticky mess and pick dead fly bodies out of my hair. FML

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By Lilragu97 - 26/7/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

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By fuck's sake - 16/4/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, my mom found a box full of stuff she had been looking for. She starts going through it and finds baby pictures of my sister and I as well as pictures of the cats. She puts my baby pictures back in the box and closes the lid. The cat pictures are now hanging in her living room. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 20:21 - United States

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

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By Grindyloo - 5/5/2012 10:06

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

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By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

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By Username - 4/10/2010 05:48 - France

Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2012 12:36 - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

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By young and dumb - 27/8/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

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By failure - 16/7/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

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By trailertrashyanditsucks - 26/7/2013 19:55 - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

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By Burnt - 2/5/2011 09:33 - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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By blaise - 13/4/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

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By H1dd3n - 1/6/2013 23:31 - United States - La Quinta

Today, I found out that my parents were artists when they met. My mom said that I was one of their best projects yet. My sister, hearing what my mother said, broke my week-old PS3 in a rage. FML

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By iSamsung - 6/3/2016 14:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML

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By SBae - 14/3/2016 15:49 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

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By GnarCarBar - 12/9/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2020 02:00

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Today, my boyfriend, who went to college, is unable to write a two-line email without saying the text out loud at least five times in a row. He also keeps repeating newspaper lines and simple things I say, in a whisper, in order to understand them. I'm afraid he might be developing dementia. At 40 years old. FML

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By XxMe123xx - 19/8/2010 00:51 - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

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By Beeh - 24/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I shared the story of my younger brother's unexpected death with a friend. After telling him the story, I looked at him with teary eyes and he looked back into my eyes and said "I understand how you feel. That is almost as bad as when I lost my cat last spring term." FML

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By a person - 5/3/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

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By tooearly - 1/1/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

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By x.x - 6/7/2014 05:09 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

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By blondieforlife - 4/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Racine

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 08:00

Rise and shine

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

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By Owww - 10/7/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

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By It burns down there - 11/12/2018 17:30

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2017 02:00

Today, we found out the god-awful smell in our truck was actually coming from the whole uncooked chicken I thought the store forgot to ring up over 2 weeks ago. It had fallen out of the bag and under the passenger seat. FML

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Top comments

By fayayay | 0

#129126 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:13

good thing they're mentally challenged or else he might have been really offended

By elloelen | 0

#1825573 - Friday 10 December 2010 23:46

for more beer

Comments

By fayayay | 0

#129126 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:13

good thing they're mentally challenged or else he might have been really offended

Reply

jtho6 | 0

#1098122 - Friday 16 July 2010 12:12

why? thats freaking HILARIOUS

Reply

c00lsk8erboi | 7

#1192283 - Thursday 5 August 2010 7:05

why is everybody saying ydi? how was he supposed to know they were mentally challenged?

Reply

31889 | 0

#2597495 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 3:38

he just shouldn't have said it in the first place..you never know

Reply

ZeroIce | 12

#4629195 - Friday 29 June 2012 7:54

... you do realize he said it to the non mentally challanged man, right?

By icyblux3 | 0

#129149 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:22

LMFAO! YDI but it's a FML moment, hahahahahhaha. Can't you tell the difference between mentally-challenged and drunk people?! Lol

By Dabookofnothing | 0

#129158 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:26

Guys how did she deserve it if you saw a bunch of grown people stumbling around and looking drunk what would you think, still i wouldnt have said anything but honestly its an honest mistake.

Reply

Bleepbloop360 | 7

#3480292 - Monday 24 October 2011 2:41

If I saw a bunch of grown men stumbling around I would have thought they were zombies

By rinaldy | 0

#129221 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 13:01

hahaha- hey at least u called it and refer to urself as dummy441:) u cldnt have known but jeez what a hilarious big mouth!

By imadonkeymoo | 0

#129254 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 13:16

UR mean. i happen to be mentally challenged myself

Reply

summerguy97 | 16

#5543436 - Thursday 20 June 2013 5:55

Congratulations

By 99Rage | 0

#129279 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 13:39

why the hell would you say anything in the first place?

By elfuzzo | 0

#129327 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 14:12

At a glance it isn't necessarily obvious whether someone is mentally challenged or drunk. FYL.

By Aldebaran_fml | 0

#129397 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 15:11

YDI

You really deserve to be on that truck. It´s pretty esay to see the diference between Mentally ill people an drunk ones. BTW why you wanted to give them your opinion?

By rinnychan | 2

#129466 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 15:58

Are you serious? Why would a van full of drunk guys be going to a grocery store?

Reply

elloelen | 0

#1825573 - Friday 10 December 2010 23:46

for more beer

By rukusrazor | 0

#129539 - Tuesday 21 April 2009 16:23

Was it a 'short' van?

#9 - Really? I can think of a million reasons. Condoms, frozen pizza, any other munchies imaginable.