Animals: Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I...

By whymommywhy - 21/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 210

You deserved it 26 885

Animals

Dementia or hate? You decide

The patriarchy rules

Holiday assumptions

By FIM - 12/01/2017 15:18

Today, in response to a text asking if I wanted to meet for brunch, I wrote, "Oh dear god I'm so hungover I could die and I'm still in my same clothes from last night. Not a chance." It was our 5-year college reunion and the number I sent that to was actually an old professor, not an old friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 250

You deserved it 4 917

By Rman - 02/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 560

You deserved it 41 869

By busybee - 10/05/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 613

You deserved it 5 812

By meg the mighty - 01/12/2018 15:30

Today, it's been 3 days since my husband decided he really wanted to try the surstromming challenge. I can still smell that shit all through my house even with all the doors and windows open after the stupid bastard took one smell, vomited, and dropped the can on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 267

By Jbs4lf - 27/12/2011 03:15 - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk because I couldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 512

You deserved it 2 682

By bushwhacker - 05/03/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 3 290

PokeCrash

By BrokenPoke - 09/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 497

You deserved it 902

By Fabio - 29/07/2016 00:13 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 955

You deserved it 19 871

By analbel - 05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 784

You deserved it 202

By FortuneFaded - 06/05/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 350

You deserved it 18 998

By Misty3242 - 06/02/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 535

You deserved it 4 113

Livin' la vida loca

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 08:01

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he can have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer and playing his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 720

By Noname - 17/03/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 574

You deserved it 211 006

By Anonymous - 05/06/2018 01:30

Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 033

You deserved it 340

By Mel - 11/09/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 248

You deserved it 649

By cj1012 - 08/07/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 341

You deserved it 1 856

By failing - 28/04/2017 01:00 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, after searching frantically for my economics notes for a week, I asked my friend to send me pictures of her's. I recognised my handwriting on the pictures she sent me and she admitted she "borrowed" them. The exam is in three days and she refuses to meet me and give my notes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 432

You deserved it 358

Ad break

By Remy - 17/06/2021 16:01

Today, I had the brilliant idea of scanning my PC in the afternoon, because Malwarebytes told me I might have malware and it's been running hot and slow lately. Five and a half hours later, the scan is 1.3% complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 148

By Sickofbeingsick - 01/10/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 2 824

By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 234

You deserved it 2 093

By not eyelid - 20/09/2016 19:53 - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 041

You deserved it 5 476

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 390

You deserved it 4 012

Great boyfriend, part 2

By thanks a lot - 04/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 15/11/2015 04:44 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our 1-month "anniversary". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 981

You deserved it 3 673

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 155

You deserved it 2 502

By Anonymous - 26/05/2014 11:37 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 440

You deserved it 5 844

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 673

You deserved it 3 842

Dogs 4 Life

By RIPFelicity - 21/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boss wrote me up for appearing "depressing" to customers. I told her that I was upset because my dog had to be put down yesterday. She told me, "Aw that’s sad. But guess what? That dog ain’t gonna pay your bills and put bread on your table. So cut the emo crap or you’re fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 203

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 694

You deserved it 156

It's good to learn!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 20:01

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 698

You deserved it 2 478

By prickly - 11/10/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 964

You deserved it 2 840

By mr_loveless - 11/02/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 10 643

By why?? - 20/04/2014 04:52 - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 131

You deserved it 7 283

Moment ruined

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:25 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 493

You deserved it 3 361

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 251

You deserved it 5 054

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 707

You deserved it 5 917

By anugla - 18/08/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 450

You deserved it 19 397

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 14:01

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 132

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 781

You deserved it 5 383

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Top comments

Goobian 3

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:49

Today I was born, and this strange creature towered over my mother and my siblings, and touched one of my siblings. Later my mother decided to eat the sibling that the creature touched. Now I am terrified of being petted. FML

Bumlove89 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:35

I'm sorry to hear that. I honestly didn't know that fact either. I don't blame you because you didn't know and therefore didn't purposely do it.

Jasper_fml 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:14

you seriously didn't know that?

Nice_but_Unlucky 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 13:59

i did the same thing...

prousey 0

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Saturday 8 May 2010 6:36

you people need to chill.

storm777 0

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Sunday 30 May 2010 4:54

u sir are not that bright

abcnonamecba 0

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Sunday 8 August 2010 15:39

hamsters breed like rats so it's not that bad!!! we had to sell my bros cause they kept reproducing

terranada 3

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Tuesday 14 September 2010 1:05

if u touch a hamster's offspring u leave ur scent on it, causing the mother to not recognize it. same thing with rabbits. I found wild ones in my backyard and picked them up and scared away the mother. it's because predators usually climb into their burrows and wait for the mother to come back then devour her. but ya fyl .3.

zzzjakezzz 0

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Thursday 28 October 2010 3:57

you csnt spell slaughter without laughter

vivienmoore 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 22:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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31889 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 3:40

225 I love you

PoseidonsSon 3

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Thursday 21 June 2012 14:54

How the hell could you know that?

brand125 17

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Monday 12 May 2014 4:32

the people saying the op is stupid are actually extremly stupid, how is that common knowledge??

radiocaf 29

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Friday 9 October 2015 10:24

it seemed like general knowledge to me with the amount of times I was told it.

Alanna_Vicious 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:18

That poor baby hamster...

blueandpurpleroc 4

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Monday 25 October 2010 8:06

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Xxlaurahatakexx 9

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Sunday 8 January 2012 1:35

:((((

eltunas 5

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Friday 16 March 2012 8:48

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PurpleLightsaber 4

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Friday 3 August 2012 1:13

Wow

Insanemf18 12

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Sunday 16 August 2015 14:39

Your fucked

YLS 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:18

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piemasterp 8

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 15:18

I wonder if a hampster touches a newborn human baby. Will the mom eat it?

megamandude455 10

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 19:42

209 you have a fucked up mind

DomeZimm 0

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Sunday 16 May 2010 1:07

i laughed a lot when i read what you were saying

Elijah69 0

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Friday 27 January 2012 6:12

Yes let's be a fuckin dick about everything!:D Dear mister/misses YLS, I bet your penis is very small or that your vagina has the texture of khaki pants.

cwdeus 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:21

F its Life, maybe.

dacotaxx 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 5:31

wat life? hahahahaha

zac12345 0

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Thursday 18 March 2010 6:50

ololololololollolololololololplolpllllpllkufofjjhhfgldgognfjtkpllkkoopolpolpoo kekekekekekeke hahahhahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahah loloollooollollillolllolllllollololll k i'm done

MaramaBreaksFace 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:22

Ew is all I have to say.

cucuto89 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 12:23

Today, i had just been born. All of the sudden a giant finger thats larger than me came down to touch me. this upset my mother, and she ate me. Now I'm dead. FML