Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and...

By Lookalike - United States - Nitro

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Honesty is the best policy

Emergency haircut

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

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By BirthdayGirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that lunch with his guys was more important than spending time with me. This is the second year in a row that he has cancelled on me. How do I remember the date so well? It's my birthday. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

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By Idktbh - United States

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

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By crashingdown - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Southlake

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

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By Ace - Canada - Toronto

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

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By notsick

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

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By jusfonzin - United States

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plano

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

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By immunizations - Canada

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

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By peniswoman - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

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By brittsters - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

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22717

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By disappointed - United States - West Fargo

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

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By DrumrollPlease - United Kingdom - London

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

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19991

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By Anonymous - United States - Detroit

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

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By 123literateABC - United States - Grand Haven

Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

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By toughbf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

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By ethawesome1125 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

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By YYY

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

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By Cody - United States

Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML

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By Anonymous

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

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2845

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By Al - United States

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

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By guessnot - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

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By TheStressComesFree - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

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By bullah007 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

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By parisite - France

Today, I decided to get some exercise for the first time in months. I went to the store and bought a brand new bicycle and all the necessary paraphernalia. I drove a half hour to a bike trail, unloaded the bike, and started riding. 10 feet later, the chain snapped. FML

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By now what - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

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By Dez - United States - Anchorage

Apparently not.

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

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By Audrey Anna Grace Somers

Today, I was trying on a dress at my grandmother's house. When I posed for her, she told me she would expand the waist, because I won't be sucking in the whole time I would be wearing it. The joke's on you Grandma, I've been sucking my stomach in since I was twelve years old. FML

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1580

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By Wellokthen - United States

So Sensual...

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and I. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

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By P0wned - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

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By fatcat117 - United States

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

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By POLYBLOT - United States

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

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Top comments

By cassieperiodbee | 14

#5942629 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:53

Oh dear, well at least Brad Pitt is a good looking person, I mean if I were going to look like a guy, I would want to look like him. :)

By igive | 28

#5942632 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:54

At first I was like "how is this an FML?" Till I read the least sentence.

that just means you're a handsome woman.

COMMENTS

By cassieperiodbee | 14

#5942629 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:53

Oh dear, well at least Brad Pitt is a good looking person, I mean if I were going to look like a guy, I would want to look like him. :)

ThatOneGuy719 | 16

#5942644 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:58

At least that's a positive way to look at it hahaha, good thing she looks like Brad Pitt and not like Richard Simmons!

ktmla | 14

#5942689 - Monday 12 May 2014 20:20

Sorry OP that's PITTiful.

brivielle | 15

#5942695 - Monday 12 May 2014 20:26

Well OP should have asked which version. The Achilles version or the Benjamin Button version?

name_loading | 19

#5942716 - Monday 12 May 2014 20:50

I'd rather look like Robert Downey Jr. if I had to look like a guy, but hey take what you can get, right?

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5943234 - Tuesday 13 May 2014 6:43

Well, at least you get to go home to Angelina Jolie & "x" amount of adopted kids...

thesimp | 6

#5947506 - Saturday 17 May 2014 0:54

Question still remains though, is the OP brad pitt or a fugly woman

By chickenfeet223 | 11

#5942631 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:54

im sorry to hear that. those guys are just wrong

Ian7890 | 23

#5942758 - Monday 12 May 2014 21:37

how do you know they are wrong? have you seen OP?

mageepaigeee44 | 15

#5942837 - Monday 12 May 2014 22:42

How do you know they were male?

By igive | 28

#5942632 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:54

At first I was like "how is this an FML?" Till I read the least sentence.

that just means you're a handsome woman.

badluckalex | 23

#5942659 - Monday 12 May 2014 20:06

I dont think woman want to be "handsome"

mageepaigeee44 | 15

#5942742 - Monday 12 May 2014 21:17

The word handsome by definition is still gender neutral.

jaredofmo | 22

#5943210 - Tuesday 13 May 2014 6:12

So is pretty.

StillUsesMyspace | 22

#5943246 - Tuesday 13 May 2014 6:53

Unfortunately this is the real world where connotation of a word outweighs the literal definition every time.

By w_pony_4ever | 15

#5942636 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:55

at least he's pretty!

By mossdeep2 | 4

#5942638 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:55

That is a difficult situation... I'm sorry OP.

By goodwithoutgods | 20

#5942639 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:56

Hey, at least Brad Pitt is an attractive man. They could have mistaken you for Gollum.

onorexveritas | 23

#5942993 - Tuesday 13 May 2014 1:29

I actually met a girl who resembled Gollum quite a bit. stringy hair even.

chickinblue | 12

#5943161 - Tuesday 13 May 2014 4:55

Oh man FHL

By hellnosucka | 27

#5942640 - Monday 12 May 2014 19:56

Well on the bright side, it's a good thing you're not a mam because otherwise you'd be a heart breaker. Also, a possible jerk and God knows there's enough of those already.