Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked...

By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74835

You deserved it

12995

Favorite

Love

Understandable

Everyone's an expert

Time don't heal nothing

By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24008

You deserved it

3874

Favorite

By "Mom2grls808" - 19/12/2018 20:00 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month old on the floor (carpeted) in the livingroom. when I woke up my daughter bombed her diaper her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen....FML

I agree, your life sucks

2086

You deserved it

467

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56873

You deserved it

3515

Favorite

By forever single, I guess - 15/3/2013 22:43 - United States

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37627

You deserved it

3344

Favorite

By RyanM - 10/3/2010 15:00 - France

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10830

You deserved it

27387

Favorite

By Ihatecleaning - 14/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7156

You deserved it

523

Favorite

By dating a pussy - 18/2/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43003

You deserved it

5707

Favorite

By hunter168647 - 2/7/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27090

You deserved it

8537

Favorite

By anonamous - 17/7/2009 16:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32104

You deserved it

96574

Favorite

By GLHan - 7/3/2014 22:31 - United States - Commack

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61198

You deserved it

3818

Favorite

By dxl - 18/2/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you ok? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36184

You deserved it

5446

Favorite

By bearded lady - 8/6/2020 14:03

Can't face it

Today, thanks to all my medications, I've been growing thick, dark hair on my face. I decided to use hair removal cream instead of shaving. The cream removed every trace of hair, but also made my skin about 4 times lighter than the rest of my face. It's even more noticeable than the beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1334

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By shittysongs - 7/3/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32791

You deserved it

7057

Favorite

By Kurt's Dad - 15/5/2019 16:04

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1661

You deserved it

265

Favorite

By anonymous - 15/10/2010 08:05 - Canada

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37243

You deserved it

2619

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2014 10:55 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36478

You deserved it

3292

Favorite

By samantha711 - 10/11/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I ask my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31313

You deserved it

7794

Favorite

By rink.attendant.6 - 21/6/2012 15:40 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26023

You deserved it

3571

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45036

You deserved it

3499

Favorite

By iannie - 31/7/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29320

You deserved it

39356

Favorite

By mike4444 - 12/2/2010 18:11 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13605

You deserved it

30360

Favorite

By Queerbait - 5/11/2015 06:52 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother insisted she's not homophobic, but however people only 'turn gay' because they were sexually abused, or are 'making it up to get attention'. She informed me I'm the former and my girlfriend is the latter. Uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23630

You deserved it

2377

Favorite

By UnicornWaffles - 24/10/2016 01:38 - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11397

You deserved it

945

Favorite

By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00

Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose!

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1731

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By Alex - 31/3/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27692

You deserved it

88802

Favorite

By musicgod123 - 29/12/2010 16:56 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9064

You deserved it

44303

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 10:28 - United States - Richmond

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8445

You deserved it

63003

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 19:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law decided that she is going to be in charge of planning my wedding. All decisions must be approved by her, and anything she doesn't like will be thrown out. She also wants to go on our honeymoon with us to make sure I don't "defile" her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18535

You deserved it

1472

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/8/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33857

You deserved it

18416

Favorite

By iHateWorms - 23/12/2009 03:52 - Australia

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11474

You deserved it

33558

Favorite

By I suck :( - 7/5/2014 21:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22975

You deserved it

62683

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54920

You deserved it

7031

Favorite

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/2/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43967

You deserved it

10333

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2014 10:12 - Malta - Qormi

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47065

You deserved it

5945

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37987

You deserved it

3163

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21847

You deserved it

97007

Favorite

By wetandhungry - 6/10/2016 13:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9604

You deserved it

693

Favorite

By jobless - 13/9/2015 14:07 - United States

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33058

You deserved it

2757

Favorite

By maalmawr - 2/4/2016 05:20 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19819

You deserved it

3384

Favorite

By a816090 - 27/5/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1949

You deserved it

127

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By savy_77 | 0

#106264 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

maybe you shouldn't have imed her so much?

By xxbadassbitchxx | 0

#974527 - Monday 5 April 2010 16:33

PWNED!!!

Comments

By savy_77 | 0

#106264 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

maybe you shouldn't have imed her so much?

xxbadassbitchxx | 0

#974527 - Monday 5 April 2010 16:33

PWNED!!!

pertained | 12

#976869 - Friday 9 April 2010 16:21

aw, that's dread.

By KPACOTKA | 0

#106267 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

lol

By youswallow | 2

#106269 - Monday 13 April 2009 1:59

omg hahaha

By b_radical | 0

#106284 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:02

shot by your own gun...

By MaddieMonster | 0

#106297 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:03

Haha i moderated this and it does suck. maybe id she couldn't figure out how to block someone on aim she wasn't worth it...

By shree | 0

#106306 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

How long was your conversation before she asked that?

By SSC_fml | 0

#106307 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

Ouch, wow, haha, that kinda sucks. Well she's not worth it anyway if she's gonna be such a bitch :D

By jmaczor | 0

#106312 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

wow why are you chasing after a girl that can't figure out something as simple as blocking someone on AIM? Also why did you tell her how it was obviously a set up. YDI

By Serial | 2

#106315 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:06

maybe next time you see her in person, you can see what you did to upset her

By Aethren | 0

#106322 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:07

Now you know next time a chick you have a crush on asks if you can block somebody tell them you can't.