By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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3791

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Work

Taking stock

BO Central

Free carer

By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25991

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1880

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By myself - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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39225

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By mommylovesu - United States

The worst

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there, she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20121

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By tyrettes

Today, I started a new yard maintenance job. Before the day had even ended, I got fired, because I apparently didn’t have enough experience, and I moved too slowly. It was supposed to be my training day. FML

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1538

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206

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By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

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41097

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3181

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By MadSon - United States

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

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51906

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4086

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By Username - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

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44086

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3108

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By AAA - 11/2/2021 11:01

Hole for life

Today, I got a new piercing because I was trying to be spontaneous. Now, I realize its placement is off and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

318

You deserved it

893

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By m0m - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20964

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1653

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By Anonymous - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

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48300

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7951

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By longdrive - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

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37433

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5119

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By Lena - Germany

Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML

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26254

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3072

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By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19646

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1520

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By bucollegegirl - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

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41624

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6536

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By MC - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

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11481

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39492

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By fuck - United States

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

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27764

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15728

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By WTA - United States

Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML

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10622

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34775

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By Dumped and pregnant

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex that cheated on him. Today, I also found out I am pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

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4589

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510

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By ThatsNotRight - United States

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30742

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4406

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By Noj12345 - United States

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

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18257

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57006

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By nehadrihan - United States - Oceanside

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

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47015

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3366

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By Ex-Employee - United States

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

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14071

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999

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By SadFace - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

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31748

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3948

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By Janice - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

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33388

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7909

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By gooddeedgonebad - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

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58789

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3211

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By malos - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

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25314

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47464

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By Anonymous - Norway - Oslo

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23931

You deserved it

1559

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47315

You deserved it

9964

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By Rochelle - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. FML

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10071

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29165

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

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45384

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3324

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 17:01

Nutritious

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

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1142

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255

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By Italian_Stallion - United States

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

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14083

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68115

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By bad friend - United States - Monterey Park

Hissy fit incoming!

Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1802

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310

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By thankyouforcalling - United States - Bremerton

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28223

You deserved it

2096

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8825

You deserved it

515

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

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46003

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17518

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I miss him

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

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2268

You deserved it

409

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By Shnur - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

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57597

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

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53582

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By jalisc512 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7535744 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 23:28

It is rude to speak loudly when someone is trying to get some rest.

By Akitakat | 31

#7534804 - Monday 28 August 2017 13:21

To be or n... "Shhhhh!"

COMMENTS

By Akitakat | 31

#7534804 - Monday 28 August 2017 13:21

To be or n... "Shhhhh!"

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7535744 - Wednesday 30 August 2017 23:28

It is rude to speak loudly when someone is trying to get some rest.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7535811 - Thursday 31 August 2017 5:33

Some people prefer pantomime. The customer is always right.

By Cali | 54

#7535896 - Thursday 31 August 2017 10:15

I really want to know why they decided to do that!

By davecross | 11

#7536047 - Thursday 31 August 2017 17:28

Sir be quiet your typing is really loud and I'm trying to watch the play.

By 28actress | 22

#7536246 - Friday 1 September 2017 7:30

Where you speaking from the aisles? If so maybe they thought you were an audience member

By tiredboredness | 3

#7539221 - Saturday 9 September 2017 9:51

"we aren't in Kansas-" "SHHHHHH" "shut yo ass up I'm saying my lines"