Told you so

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life." She has had the same mullet haircut since '84. FML

Ciao!

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: her job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

Hair issues

Today, my wife is angry with me because after she'd convinced me to grow out my hair, it exposed my receding hairline. I shaved my head to the same appearance as when she married me, so I could feel more comfortable with my own body. FML

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

Sometimes, they just do

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

Today, my wife, who knows I'm attracted to women with long hair just like 95% of men, instead of growing her hair long, said she is going to stop being friends with any women who have long hair because she doesn't want me to be attracted to them. FML