Intimacy: Today, my wife is still not pregnant, but her sister is after...

By Anonymous - 26/10/2018 05:00

Today, my wife is still not pregnant, but her sister is after the threesome we all had a few months ago. The threesome was my wife's idea, but I suspect I am still a dead man when it comes to whose fault it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 599

You deserved it 5 065

Intimacy

Mama's boy

You BARBARIAN!

My booze

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 22:30

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 165

By blegh - 27/12/2011 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 8 840

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend saw me without make-up for the first time we've been dating for two years. He freaked because he didn't know who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 2 559

By byegeorge - 17/08/2012 11:26 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 1 975

By MyNameIsNotJeff - 08/05/2015 03:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 168

You deserved it 3 093

By Anonymous - 03/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 351

You deserved it 29 218

By oww - 05/09/2015 01:25 - United States - Tekonsha

Today, I came to work with a huge hangover after a night out. I work as a marching band director, and guess who I had to conduct a sectional with? That's right, percussion. My head still hasn't stopped throbbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 745

You deserved it 28 523

By meganridner - 04/08/2011 16:05 - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 505

You deserved it 53 129

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 097

You deserved it 1 807

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 075

You deserved it 6 797

By jzone32 - 14/10/2009 05:45 - Canada

Today, I had my first job interview in years. While I was waiting for the manager to come out I realized I had forgotten the resume that I had printed out the night before, since he specifically asked me to bring one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 298

You deserved it 28 204

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 148

You deserved it 110 005

By ssjfml - 11/08/2015 14:56 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 207

You deserved it 1 975

By jacie - 18/11/2018 15:30

Today, I tried on a pair of pants in a dressing room and they didn’t fit. However, my period came suddenly and left a massive bloodstain, so I had to buy them anyway. In case you’re wondering, the pants were white, the cashier was male and cute, and he definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 141

You deserved it 358

By katurday - 03/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 179

You deserved it 6 363

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 15:08 - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 5 036

Boomer humor

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 807

You deserved it 6 125

By roundemup - 11/02/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 5 185

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 20:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 690

You deserved it 5 828

By fuuuudge - 19/08/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 505

You deserved it 3 714

By conchita - 10/02/2010 01:16 - United States

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 355

You deserved it 27 196

Strange noise

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 209

Family ties

By Milly - 29/03/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I disconnected and hid the WiFi router and told my kids and husband I wanted an hour together doing family stuff. I failed miserably. Rather than spend an hour together, they spent nearly 2 hours separately tearing the house apart for the router. Now the house is a mess and I’m still lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 500

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 11:58 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 2 533

By baconistasty27 - 01/08/2014 05:33 - United States - San Diego

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 219

You deserved it 5 116

By JohnMackSquirts - 19/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 942

You deserved it 115 230

By HousemateHorror - 20/11/2017 19:00

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 181

You deserved it 554

By fmylovelife - 27/06/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 419

You deserved it 3 459

By pyroman1127 - 16/05/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 026

You deserved it 39 333

Come to think of it, no, you didn't

By fail land - 02/04/2021 05:00

Today, some asswipe keyed a swastika into my car. Did I mention it’s a rental? FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 55

By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 906

You deserved it 46 407

Unconditional support

By anon - 16/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Hinesville

Today, my girlfriend told me she'd support my decision to stay in, or get out of the military, so I renewed my contract...... She broke up with me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 289

By seriouslysinglenomingle - 06/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 357

You deserved it 368

By Robyn - 04/10/2011 09:35 - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 599

You deserved it 27 933

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 261

You deserved it 4 357

By furbys69 - 31/05/2017 09:00 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 768

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 956

You deserved it 6 536

By Lisa - 04/11/2010 14:42 - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 113

You deserved it 3 545

By wtffireworks! - 26/05/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 18 494

By choup - 07/11/2008 21:02 - Australia

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 155

You deserved it 27 489

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Top comments

KingAdrock 16

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:08

Your wife asked for a threesome; with her own SISTER... AND you didn't use protection? YDI, Cletus.

sunnyray812 42

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Friday 12 October 2018 23:15

Why would you even agree for a threesome with your wife's sister? Why would she suggest it? I guess some incest gets her turned on. 😷

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 12 October 2018 6:21

Boys, and select girls, pick your jaws up off the floor, and help this man out. There are more important things to deal with besides the fact that his wife suggested a threesome with her sister. Apparently.

KingAdrock 16

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:12

No, I'm going to say he deserves some flak for not thinking this one through. His wife suggested an incestuous threesome with her own SISTER and that didn't ring any alarm bells? AND they didn't use protection? As another poster said, that's fifty shades of fucked up.

sunnyray812 42

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Friday 12 October 2018 23:15

Why would you even agree for a threesome with your wife's sister? Why would she suggest it? I guess some incest gets her turned on. 😷

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:17

No man with a working penis would ever turn down such a thing. It's basically a dream come true.

lexos 16

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Saturday 27 October 2018 2:20

I would always turn down a threesome, I really don't understand why people even want one

sunnyray812 42

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Friday 26 October 2018 6:02

There are some things I'll never understand about guys...or girls for that matter.

Cairnam 1

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Friday 26 October 2018 7:58

Only if you are dating the ugly one!

Mungolikecandy 19

Friday 26 October 2018 20:21

A sensible man who thought with his big head and not his little one would turn it down straight away.

OnReceivingEnd 17

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Monday 29 October 2018 15:34

Until it becomes a NIGHTMARE.

wanted_2_want 40

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Saturday 13 October 2018 5:49

And then you woke up!

skippydoda 32

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:06

If this is real, this is fifty shades of fucked up

KingAdrock 16

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:08

Your wife asked for a threesome; with her own SISTER... AND you didn't use protection? YDI, Cletus.

Razell 13

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:10

It's not that bad, just adopt the kid when your wife's sister gives birth. (I'm assuming the sister doesn't have a husband of her own. Or whatever.)

MamaChey 22

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Friday 26 October 2018 11:31

Simply adopt the baby? Sweets, why the hell would OP adopt a kid who is his biological child? as for the wife? Yes, I’m certain that she’ll want to adopt her sister’s child. It’ll be like a vacation souvenir to remind her of that ‘magical night’

Razell 13

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Monday 29 October 2018 21:33

Simple: the kid's mother is not the father's legal wife, so he has no legal parental rights to the kid. In order to get legal parental rights, he would have to adopt the kid. Adopting the kid would also free him from having to pay child support to his sister-in-law. Since he mentions that his wife is "still not pregnant", that implies that getting pregnant is a goal for the couple, implying that they want kids. Adopting the kid would give the couple a kid, remove the burden of single-motherhood from the sister(again, assuming that the sister is single), and give the kid a set of stable (... relatively speaking) married parents. As far as the wife is concerned, the adopting the kid won't be any more or less a reminder of the trio's <i>complete idiocy</i> than seeing the kid every holiday at family reunions. Quite frankly, if the wife didn't want the risk of her husband impregnating her sister, she shouldn't have invited her sister into their bed in the first place. Alternately, OP needs to get a paternity test on the kid. If dear sister would f*ck her own brother-in-law, who know who else she's been f*cking?

bogolopian 12

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:20

Threesome with the wife's sister is not as rare as many might think. Not done it myself but have friends who have. The pregnancy is a problem that is solvable. Depending on their own beliefs and desires, abortion, adoption or just mum bringing up the child herself. Good luck.

allie2590 30

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Friday 26 October 2018 6:47

Then you are friends with weird people!

MikuandKaito 24

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Friday 26 October 2018 5:23

If she's crazy enough to initiate a threesome with her own sister, she's crazy enough to place all the blame on you. You /could/ have negated some of that crazy by using protection, but alas the three of you are, in all sense of the word, fucked up.