Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing...

By disturbed - 17/03/2010 01:34 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 345

You deserved it 3 336

Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

No Future

Teenagers

By mel - 18/01/2013 23:18 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 949

You deserved it 3 112

By moodyreallyrocks - 01/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 181

You deserved it 2 865

By bursteardrums - 16/08/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 288

You deserved it 11 198

By traumatised - 11/10/2009 16:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 367

You deserved it 2 780

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 17 824

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 696

You deserved it 7 532

Can't buy me love

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 22:59

Today, my girlfriend saw my secret money stash for emergencies and broke up with me, after calling me a greedy asshole and not telling her before. According to her, we could have taken a lot of trips around the country, because, "your money is mine, too." We dated for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 23/01/2017 22:00

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 716

Porn, comment

By zAstonish - 28/11/2019 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 2 484

By Anonymous - 02/10/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 744

You deserved it 73 224

Respect

By it’s still cheating! - 05/09/2021 11:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 135

By steph - 13/09/2011 21:40 - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 905

You deserved it 6 639

By british_babe - 05/10/2013 17:51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 043

You deserved it 4 301

No spoilers

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 08:01

Today, I've been perfectly dodging all spoilers for Spider-Man: No Way Home. Deleted social media, muted some people I don't trust, everything. Then someone came in my university WhatsApp group (which I need to check for exam notes) leaked it an hour before I was gonna go watch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 203

He's got the moves

By beccav23 - 25/10/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 268

You deserved it 7 457

By maisumepg - 17/02/2019 04:00

Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 281

By anon - 12/10/2010 21:52 - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 133

You deserved it 4 169

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 18:14 - United States

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 747

You deserved it 52 981

By Zach Got Robbed - 08/01/2014 23:02 - United States - Clifton

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 209

You deserved it 5 265

By Babyhazy - 05/06/2016 21:52 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 307

You deserved it 1 426

By Skido - 20/02/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 426

You deserved it 9 010

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 148

You deserved it 36 732

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 447

You deserved it 5 519

By Sica - 15/03/2012 19:28 - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 6 396

By nudie - 19/07/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 660

You deserved it 56 459

By danny5191 - 17/03/2012 02:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 8 628

By ButItWasRareDad! - 03/08/2016 22:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 468

You deserved it 2 104

By Dinger1992 - 23/10/2012 13:19 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 064

You deserved it 41 814

By konens_dick - 22/03/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 158

You deserved it 36 993

Poor little kitty

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 17:01

Today, I realized the kitten I adopted months ago either has serious attachment issues or the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Only I can get near him, he can't stand us being over 5 feet apart, he meows until I let him into the bathroom with me, and I feel like a jerk for disliking it. I need space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 235

You deserved it 30 107

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 140

You deserved it 2 726

By out of the closet - 26/04/2016 00:22 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 768

You deserved it 1 520

By coughandcold - 27/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189 640

You deserved it 37 865

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 647

You deserved it 9 775

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 871

You deserved it 40 069

By sam - 02/05/2010 00:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 260

You deserved it 47 432

Get out

By ishweta56 - 17/01/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 500

You deserved it 26 364

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 12:02 - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 146

You deserved it 4 507

By sydysyd - 21/11/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 439

You deserved it 53 890

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

purplehaze980 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:06

I think she could have been fined for this .... ewewwwwwwww .

jdub28 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:07

when you have to pee... you have to pee. why did you stare long enough to notice it was a horse sized pee?

zac12345 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:03

winnn

persianality 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:06

loool

jdub28 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:08

win for sighting pee? fail for staring at an old lady long enough to notice the stream of piss.. that's just wrong!!

zac12345 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:09

I stare at old lady's crotches all the time, isn't that normal?

aznpersuasion863 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:13

Not a winn if it was an old lady :P

FYLDeep 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:13

Who said she was old?

aznpersuasion863 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:15

well sound like OP didnt lyk it so im guessin she was ugly or old

hannahpie45 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:19

wow, so you just stood there and watched?

jdub28 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:23

really? you think a young lady would pee in public? has to be an old lady!!

FYLDeep 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:27

She could have been some young crazy homeless person. Most homeless people are mentally ill so it's pluasable.

FYLDeep 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:29

And if you read a lot of FMLs you'll see that homeless people fucking pee everywhere!

srunano 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:48

I swear when I read it I saw it said "old," anyways still you should have scared the shit out of her, then that would have been funny. Should have made a siren noise or faked a cop voice. I remember doing that funniest memory of Christmas xD

slothlover66 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 10:12

Maybe she was just really drunk.

bettadenne1 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 10:55

haha 78 FTW! 

nmsm 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 12:53

I saw old too #59 why was she spreading her cheeks to pee?

wilkshire13 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 13:24

lol at snicks =]

angrynegro7 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 13:25

She probably wanted some butt sex with her golden shower. I wonder if she knows the homeless guy who was caught in another FML "shitting furiously" in a subway staircase?

bebz_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 13:42

LOL AT 78

silentsniper441 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:06

need a palate cleanser

iloveloosy12 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:23

what teh fuhhh

girlieq3 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:25

@111 - so it doesn't get all over? I've seen this too.. Outside a bar by a girl that couldn't have been more than 20... In a dress, infront of about 100 people in line. Her friend was standing in front of her, but it did nothing!

NerdyHannah 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:44

lol :)

bleedinginside 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:48

I would stick my meatstick in her hole

angrynegro7 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:56

And leave her bleeding inside? LOL

iSitt 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 16:46

old people need sex too

th88 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 17:24

hahaha

AndreaHaha 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 17:39

haa ewwww

GeorgeBoosh 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 19:23

People pay good money for that. Did the OP get pics??

paigeatsflesh 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 19:48

ahahaha. oh that's funny.

AA357 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 20:09

Yeah.....sounds hotttttt ;)

smartman136 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 20:11

15 W. T. F. H

smartman136 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 20:13

111 well tell u when ur older

nmsm 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 21:06

aww

nmsm 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 22:24

but really. and get all over what?

the_holy_one 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 22:58

duude that's like terrifying.. You actually saw a woman pee on the street...

momoimmortal 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 23:03

it's a win because he popped a boner!!!

iluvjk13 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 23:37

hahaha, 15 is win.

fylrofl 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 0:30

some things are so weird, you cant look away... doesn't make op a freak

IGotARedNose 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 3:40

even tho thats disgusting it would still make my day xD

Chrissy44 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 4:09

lol read that one too

morgaleigh 6

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 6:20

@40 my friend has taken a crap in public so it could be a young person

oneforme 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 12:24

snickerdoodles is really tiny tim !!

FireNinja 3

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 16:34

kinky!!!! your sooo lucky for seeing that sort of voyer. unless she was dead ugly, then nvm.

kiki123_55555 0

Send a private message

Friday 19 March 2010 21:00

she sounds like a fatass to me not an old lady.

lightuup 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 March 2010 2:25

should have gone over and fucked her

superedgar3 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:23

that's hoot .

tehamericanboy94 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:03

Número Uno :) that sucks op..

lizliz07 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:13

more like número dos!

zac12345 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:22

^^^^^^ I'm número uno, gtfo

Eddie_Paints 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 10:25

Was she Horse Sized too?

bihero 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 11:01

die

Baby2000 0

Send a private message

Friday 15 April 2011 0:38

lol

wowurgay1994 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:05

3rd nd dudeeee lol go blind haha

Sun_Kissed18 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 11:34

It would still be in his head, with that being one of the last things he ever saw :P Not a good idea

CHUCKBARTOWSKl 0

Send a private message

Thursday 18 March 2010 3:24

happens in downtown beijing all the time when the communists aren't trying to hide it

CrazeDblaze 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:05

ewwwwwww

purplehaze980 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:06

I think she could have been fined for this .... ewewwwwwwww .

moneypenny_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 14:36

just like a furiously shitting hobo?

cubanchick 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:07

that's disgusting

jdub28 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:07

when you have to pee... you have to pee. why did you stare long enough to notice it was a horse sized pee?

lickmyjock 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:07

When you have to go, you have to go.

Jellytastic 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:07

ewwwwww lol

3_Kitten_3 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2010 9:07

o.o wow....just....wow. what is wrong with some people!?!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 860

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 072

Can't buy me love

Porn, comment

Respect

No spoilers

He's got the moves

Poor little kitty

Get out

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments