Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I dressed up for work, even though I work from home. My wife insists that I look great in suits, she wanted me to wear them at home, and I don't really mind. On the other hand, she keeps wearing the same dirty clothes for two weeks because she doesn't care about how she looks. FML
Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman who sits at the desk beside me looks over and says, "Wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML
Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML
Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML
Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML
Today, I ran into my roommate coming home at 9 a.m. She was wearing nice clothes, but somehow looked a bit run down. Figuring she was just coming back from a fun night out, I poked fun at her for coming home wearing last night's getup. Turns out it was a fresh outfit. FML
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Top comments
null_fml 11
You: "You ALMOST look like a supermodel..." Her: *death glare* You: "...but you couldn't be a supermodel, or you'd put the airbrush/Photoshop technicians out of a job!"
RR05 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA woman are ******* crazy!!
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Comments (95)
Alumnus_Vitae 0
Actually, “almost” is a compliment and I'll show you why. We'll use your example of a **** star penis. When one refers to a **** star penis, it generally suggests the purported size, not the actual size. The purported size seems to average at 9 to 11 inches. Let us say 10 inches to keep it simple. Given that the average penis size, according to the Kinsey survey, is 5-7 inches (though subsequent studies in which measuring tape is used suggest 5.5) with a standard deviation of .75 inches, let us say that an average penis is 6 inches. If the man has an average penis, it would still fall outside of a standard deviation (hence “almost”) of the average purported **** star's penis, 10 inches. 6 inches is a little over 5 standard deviations away from 10 inches. Clearly this is flattery. Now, let us analyse “almost like a supermodel.” Given that relative attractiveness is subjective, it would be impossible analyse with proper statistics but let us say that 5 (on a 1 to 10 scale) is average and that one point is a standard deviation. Let us assume that the OP's wife is attractive enough to have him whipped, so let's assume she is 6 or 7. Given that a supermodel would reflect a culture's ideal of female beauty, let us assume that supermodels are 9 or 10. Averaging that to 9.5 and estimating the wife's possible attractiveness to 6.5, it is 3 standard deviations away from an average supermodel. Therefore, it is flattery. In order for “almost” to be accurate, the OP's wife would have to be 8.5. In order for it to be an insult, she has to be above 8.5. Therefore, it is a compliment, the OP's wife is crazy, and the OP is probably well over 5 standard deviations away from a **** star.
RuralNinja 0
You should have known by now that all women are insecure and need constant complements to stay sane.
mirage24_fml 0
She is always BEAUTIFUL, the pants never make her butt look big (the cheeseburgers do), "that girl" is pretty but "not as pretty as you" and so on. I have made it through 35 years of marriage. It's not helpful to "be honest." You ARE being honest. She is a super model to you. Or she better be. Unless you just like being alone. I think you really learned something here. Go with it.
penisface69 17
tell your wife to get off her period.
blkmagick 0
YDI for having a wife that's a self conscious jerk.
koalaguy 0
YDI for letting her out of the kitchen to go buy something.
kindness 0
seriously? wtf. some people are just so stupid and rude. if you don't have something serious to say then don't say it.
IMTHEGREATEST 0
this is a humor site?
kindness 0
how silly. that is a compliment! you sleeping on the couch? ridiculous. if she has a problem, she can sleep on the couch imo. you were just trying to be nice. seriously, like if you had called her ugly fine but she should learn to accept a compliment.
pifpafpoef 1
if you don't think your girlfriend is the prettiest thing on earth, she deserves better than you. And you deserve better than that ugly chick.
mrsnicks 0
what a wench. why are all the responders so shallow.
34dah00d 0
u just dnt answer those ? speciallii if their black just nod/smile and change the subject!!