By Gurior - 16/04/2013 17:44 - Canada

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks 75 454
You deserved it 19 624

Gurior tells us more.

Gurior 4

Top comments

simplysarcastics 26

Respect her values dude, if you love her enough you will wait. And loosing her virginity is much different than her job.

well, you can't get pregnant from a cow's ass


well, you can't get pregnant from a cow's ass

simplysarcastics 26

Lol i love this. Sarcasm rules.

Airman1988 9

Thank God cause that would be one ugly baby.

Damian95 16

1- You're profile pic matches your response perfectly.

cynide 13

Well, you can't get pregnant from touching a penis. Unless you touch it with your ******.

actually, if you touch the penis and then yourself, you can still get pregnant. there's enough sperm in pre-come to populate the whole of North America

The whole of North America is already populated.

im aware North America is populated, that was just the analogy my teacher used. it was about 10 years ago so my info is probably outdated. and there i was feeling so clever :'(

salazara 10

I'm a medic and I loathe the sight of a penis (especially when it's swollen).

xmlguy 14

Time to invest in a bull costume.

I say a cow would be better.. she could milk his udder..

Sir_ND_Pity 35

13 - I think I udderstand what moo are trying to hint at and, who knows, OP might like it

21- you tried, and, unfortunately, failed.

By the looks of it, it seems like you failed.

simplysarcastics 26

Respect her values dude, if you love her enough you will wait. And loosing her virginity is much different than her job.

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randomvisitor 6

respect for this guy or girl!

Sir_ND_Pity 35

3 - Well, it isn't too different. As a vet, she might have to work on a **** a few times. And with roosters and chickens as well.

alliewillie 22

Exactly! You sound like a whiny child. She may be waiting for marriage. Or want to really know someone or date longer than a year before becoming intimate. She may have been hurt in the past. And here you are posting on FML that she won't "touch your penis". You don't sound like you deserve her.

simplysarcastics 26

I mean sexually.... Gosh its not the same. People are taking it to serious. She is helping animals, if we don't help animals then who will, they obviously can't check/help themselves. Sex is different she has a different moral/value set. She wants to wait, i commend that. We need more virgins for we are like unicorns, awesome and rare. Haha

simplysarcastics 26

And i am a girl, who has earned my respect. Thats whats up teehee.

Very well said 3. :) I agree 100% ^_^

This just personally bothers me, but I'm honestly curious; why do people spell "losing" as "loosing"? Because loosing would mean to set something loose and I don't think she's setting her virginity loose on anyone. Except her boyfriend maybe.

#37- I've noticed that a lot more recently, as well. That, and choose. I'm not bitching about it, because if you have half a brain you can figure out what they meant, but it's kind of been like watching people go a bit "derpy" over the last couple of weeks. I blame the never-ending winter.

#3 While I don't disagree with you at all, I do wish this fml provided more information. For example, he says she's too 'insecure' to touch his dick, that to me doesn't necessarily say anything about morals or values. One of my exes had a previous girlfriend who thought penises were disgusting (to look at, to touch, I have no idea) and she never pleasured him in any way, although she was quite happy for him to go down on her. Speaking of which you can 'do stuff' without losing your virginity (not saying you should, just saying you can).

Both people deserve respect of their values. I wouldn't wait for anyone. That's not a question of love, that respecting myself. I'm a girl and I love sex. Nobody will stop me from using my own ******

simplysarcastics 26

I can spell however i want on my comment. I was typing fast. So why not post your own comment and start a convo.

simplysarcastics 26

N if your doing sexual acts your still being sexual even if its not intercourse.

etoilenuit 15

A cow can't hurt her emotionally after she frisks him. She doesn't have to be worried about what the cow will think. It's not even close to the same thing.

I don't see where all of you are getting values from. Insecurities (as the FML states) and values are two completely different things.

simplysarcastics 26

No he just assumes she is insecure bottom line she does not want to be sexual... And he needs to get over it

simplysarcastics 26

Why is everyone commenting on my comment , just make your own if you don't agree with my comment then why comment its very annoying.

Inciter 33

I think there's not a lot of respect for those who choose to wait, whether they're guys or girls. Guys are made fun of if they're still virgins and girls are treated like cockblocks if they wanna wait. It's a sad world we live in.

Why do people act like once they comment, they own that space on the Internet and no one can post there without proper permissions?

#98, no you are assuming things now. For all we know the gf coulda told her man she felt insecure, whether it was about her weight, whether it was that she had no confidence that she could please him and was scared to try, scared she'd make a fool of herself in bed - you definitely cannot say that she has certain 'values' against sex and the guy 'assumes' otherwise - how the hell do you know better than her boyfriend? I've been emotionally ready for sex before but didn't want to do it because I felt insecure about my performance - which I know sounds weird cuz I'm a girl and I guess it's more expected for guys to perform well but I had low self-esteem, I was scared I'd be really shit in bed and screw everything up and THAT was why I held it off for longer than I would have, not because I wasn't emotionally ready/had different values. People have different reasons for not wanting to have sex. Don't assume the boyfriend doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to his girlfriend.

simplysarcastics 26

I don't own nothing its just space but why comment on someones comment to be rude. Just simply create your own.

I have enough intelligence and background information to recognize your pun and I enjoyed unfortunately many others didn't,

simplysarcastics 26

Lol i don't care if they don't, then they can get of the comment that I made. Now I'm done commenting to much ignorance.

Holy **** this is like the first time I've seen you thumbed down :(

Did you tell your English teachers that as well? "This is my essay so I can spell things however I want!" You take things too seriously, I was just pondering on why some people in general, not just one person specifically, spell it as loose.

simplysarcastics 26

Thanks #119 ik, its only cause people get mad when you speak real stuff.

Why did pleo get so many down votes :( I thought his pun was funny.

I agree with this, I have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years now and we visit eachother many times. The last visit, we shared a room but I don't want to have sex yet becase I think I'm too young and I would hate to do something so important and then not see my loved one for a few more months. I'm glad that I have a partner that respects that and I hope that OPs girlfriend doesn't see this insensitive FML and feel pressured. There's no point in rushing and if she feels insecure about anything she should confide in her partner. I am insecure about my body but my boyfriend has made me feel comfortable and genuinely beautiful, as an example.

I don't get why the funny puns got thumbed down. Back in my day, retorts like that were the bee's knees.

I don't get calling this guy a jerk they just obv want different things and wanting to be physically intimate with your partner does not make someone selfish.

amandalillian 27

Simply sarcastic that was very respectful despite your name. Way to break the rules

NOBODY WILL STOP ME USING MY ******!! Damn, it's gonna take a while to stop laughing. :D

Hi, I see this is your first time on "The Internet". You really can't control who replies to your comments/posts, nor can you regulate their content. That said, we need to pray she never looses her virginity. Unleashed, it could terrorize villages and towns from Chilliwack, BC to *****, NFLD! Remember folks: If a virginity ever got the chance, it would kill you and everybody you care about. I remember when I loosed my virginity with my boyfriend, many years ago. The papers called it a natural disaster, all that flooding in Manitoba. But I know the terrible truth. It was my virginity on the loose.

simplysarcastics 26

Thanks much #154. And for 169 no one cares your not a unicorn anymore. -_- and I did not think I can regulate comments but however maybe people that have certain opinions should start a different thread, while the people that do agree keep their thread, this would simply keep people from ruining awesome comments away. Plus getting so offended by other people's statements, its basically trolling. Seeing that you had to defend not being a virgin by being sarcastic, which you failed in by the way, nothing is that serious and nothing is wrong with being or not being virgin, so who cares.... Flagging people down simply because they defend themselves. But cool, keep trolling!!!

I see you're also unfamiliar with the concepts of "irony", "humour" and "satire". How very sad for you.

171, I feel like you need to take the internet a little less seriously.

_TheAtheist_ 10

How do you even know if you love somebody (as in possible marriage material) if you've never been intimate with them? There's a lot more to sex in a relationship than just the physical act. Do you see this relationship going somewhere in the future? Because I don't. Unless both individuals feel very strongly about waiting until marriage (possibly extremely religious), this will not work out in the long run.

#199 I think what you're trying to say is that this relationship might not last because 1) there is some lack of passion in it and 2) the two people in the relationship obviously disagree on how much sex is the right amount/in what ways should passion exist in the relationship To be honest it's the SECOND point that will bring the relationship down, if anything. The three aspects of the 'perfect' relationship defined by psychology is intimacy (intimacy meaning emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy), passion (which covers physical intimacy, including sex) and commitment. You don't have to have sex to have a passionate relationship, sure for some people it helps, for others it's important and for others still it might be felt as necessary, but it's not impossible to fulfil all three of those requirements without having sex. Passion basically just means there's physical attraction there and the sparks are flying. If one person wants more sex and one person wants less, that can be straining in the relationship, and more so than you think. However, if both people are fine with remaining abstinent till marriage, there shouldn't be a problem. In this case however, if the girlfriend continues to say no and the boyfriend can't come to accept that (which will be more understandable as more time passes) then yeah, it's not gonna work out.

amileah13 26
Sir_ND_Pity 35

It is because your penis is unlike any animal she's ever had to deal with. That's how I would rationalize it to myself if I was in this situation.

ApollosMyth 22

Does OP really want that hand anywhere near his dick anyway?

I'm pretty sure she wears gloves for that.

If she's not comfortable with it, don't try to force tondo something she doesn't want to do.

rg350dx 29

I wouldn't force a tondo either. It's a rather acquired artistic taste.

Maybe that's why she's a vet and not a doctor.

Actually becoming a vet is more difficult and takes longer than becoming a (people) doctor. What was your point?

Becoming a vet does not take longer than becoming a medical doctor. Both medical school and veterinary school take an additional four years after college.

rg350dx 29

52, the point is she'd rather shove her arm up a cows ass than a humans. Or in this case touch his penis.

Quiet_one 22

#68- I'm a vet student, and you are exactly right. That was the reasoning for myself and several of my classmates- we love the science and medicine, but people are gross. I'm perfectly fine cleaning an oozing, necrotic wound on a cat, but when my little brother scrapes his knee I have to fight back nausea. I know it makes no sense, but there it is.

the story makes it pretty clear that she hasn't gone anywhere near his penis so she would have no way of knowing this

I haven't been anywhere near Ms. Garrison's boobies, but that still doesn't make me not want to run away very, very fast every time I see them on South Park

Pstraka6 20

There is a difference between work and pleasure. Try to understand where she is coming from especially if she enjoys being a veterinarian and she will likewise do the same for you!

And sticking your hand up a cow's butt isn't a sexual act anyway. The OP's girlfriend isn't doing it for her own pleasure; it's in her job description. So it's a bit strange that the OP is perceiving it that way. There's a big difference between performing a veterinary act on an animal, and the intimacy of sex.

Success4444 12

Is that the case for a gynecologist, too?

If you can't handle her values without bitching about it, you shouldn't be with her. Celebrate her great accomplishment rather than think of yourself.

Exactly this. I don't know why he's so surprised that his virgin girlfriend is acting like a virgin.

OP can respect her accomplishments AND desperately want to get laid at the same time. This particular FML is OPs chance to anonymously vent about an area of his life that sucks (aka his sexlife). Give him a break FFS.

I now declare it open season for duck hunting

She is trying to tell you she likes anal.

Actually I'm thinking if it's anything that's her showing she enjoys giving anal.