Miscellaneous: Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 102

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 344

19/09/2009 17:14

Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave him twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar machine then jackpotted the ten dollar machine for $20,000. When we got home he broke up with me. I have been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 684

You deserved it 5 125

Mama's boy

Social anxiety

Weddings blow

16/09/2009 06:15

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 719

You deserved it 60 814

19/05/2011 05:58

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 263

You deserved it 5 661

Alternative medicine is bull

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 23:01

Today, when my neighbor came over to ask about a serious rash her child had, she totally passed by me, the EMT/firefighter, to ask the hippy pastry chef what she thought of it, and if she had oils to "cure" it. So much for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 188

12/04/2009 04:07

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 504

You deserved it 3 145

Snap!

By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 206

You deserved it 3 202

28/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 139

08/04/2013 14:08

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 563

You deserved it 3 493

30/08/2011 03:56

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 628

You deserved it 2 796

15/03/2016 03:42

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 590

You deserved it 1 671

I don't need a Xanny to feel better

By Paprika - 12/05/2021 04:01

Today, my psychiatrist prescribed Xanax. I thought that was a little extreme and that my anxiety wasn't bad enough for that. Within the next hour, I had 2 panic attacks. I guess I'm worse off than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 102

Excuses, excuses

By skj - 29/05/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my mom why the lamp in the living room wasn’t working. She immediately plugged it in, it worked, and she called me a complete idiot. I haven’t slept in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 924

15/12/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 349

Stalker vibes

By porkieworkie - 21/04/2009 12:44

Today, after getting off the phone with a girl I'm interested in, I parked on campus and ate my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 647

You deserved it 9 244

26/12/2010 02:29

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 456

You deserved it 4 245

15/10/2013 20:52

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 449

You deserved it 4 811

19/04/2009 19:21

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 162

You deserved it 11 593

But he's only 5

By Anonymous - 18/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 679

18/03/2014 19:44

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 857

You deserved it 5 104

29/08/2019 04:00

Today, after a lifelong struggle with suicidal depression and heroin abuse, I've been clean for six months. This is the healthiest I've been in ages, and naturally, I've gained weight. My whole family constantly talks about how I’ve let myself go, and how I should go back on heroin to be thin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 211

You deserved it 225

Join the club

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 22:56

Spicy

Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 343

16/12/2014 03:38

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 4 343

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 2 162

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 145

29/10/2011 08:56

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 541

You deserved it 3 833

02/01/2014 21:50

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 675

You deserved it 18 766

Appearance matters

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:00

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 371

26/08/2019 12:01

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 560

02/03/2016 20:41

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 268

You deserved it 1 699

15/09/2013 06:02

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 670

You deserved it 2 944

14/03/2009 11:05

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 776

You deserved it 117 257

06/08/2009 08:45

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 375

You deserved it 3 305

20/04/2018 15:00

Today, I moved into a new downstairs flat. I promptly fell down said stairs. I have a broken pelvis now and can't walk or go down steps for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 614

You deserved it 323

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

By toelie - 06/11/2017 22:00

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 017

You deserved it 575

12/02/2009 00:06

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 607

You deserved it 3 485

08/09/2009 22:10

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 111

You deserved it 45 250

Mama's boy

By vacay no way - 14/07/2021 06:01

Today, I was asking my husband to help me finalize plans for our upcoming vacation. He, however, would rather pout and sulk because I don’t want him to bring his mom along. She’s been with us on our last few trips and it’s hard to get any alone time. I’m considering just going alone at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 126

29/09/2018 10:30

Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 947

You deserved it 192

17/07/2016 22:38

Today, after a very harsh argument from my mother about her not seeing her grandchild enough, I decided to vent out my rage in a text to my friend. It wasn't until after I sent the message, that yes, I sent that message to my mom FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 153

You deserved it 7 449

02/09/2015 20:13

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 638

You deserved it 2 471

27/08/2012 06:11

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 063

You deserved it 2 402

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Top comments

OneandOnlyOne 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:20

Sue him. You can get half because YOU gave him the $20 that won him the $21,000 dollars. Yes, I'm serious! He wants to be a dick, you can be one too.

Silent_Harmony 3

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:16

What an ass...

Comments

Silent_Harmony 3

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:16

What an ass...

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:23

It seems like over 50% of all FMLs are about a boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess we all really suck at relationships

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Sunday 20 September 2009 5:27

Humans just suck.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 6:04

no, americans such at relationship. no respect for each other!

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Sunday 20 September 2009 7:35

that's bull shit! just because someone is american doesn't mean they dont know how to treat other people with respect.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 17:56

And other countries have it better? I happen to have lived in both England and America and assure you that people every where suck.

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:17

owned!

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:17

which casino? the big choctaw?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:17

"But I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery" Conor Oberst was wrongggg. Although, in a way, this will be the first day of your life.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 0:02

Bright Eyes = love

allmidnighteyes 10

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Sunday 20 September 2009 8:22

definitely :] ily too for getting the reference, caticaticati

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Sunday 20 September 2009 10:08

I was already enjoying your presence on FML due to your humor and occasional bitchy-ness towards those who deserve it, and this sealed the deal. :)

allmidnighteyes 10

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Sunday 20 September 2009 16:53

I'm glad that I could make your time here * that* much more enjoyable :D

eatyourheartout9 3

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Saturday 30 June 2012 20:36

Love conor oberst :)

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:18

sack o shit ftw.

OneandOnlyOne 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:20

Sue him. You can get half because YOU gave him the $20 that won him the $21,000 dollars. Yes, I'm serious! He wants to be a dick, you can be one too.

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:28

But which one of the two can afford a lawyer at the moment? :P

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Sunday 20 September 2009 0:40

This isn't something you can sue for. Just for fun, lets pretend that it was. He would simply claim that he brought the $20. She can't prove she gave it to him.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 1:09

It most certainly is something you can sue for. You can even win. You don't need to "prove" that you gave him the $20, this isn't a criminal case. You just need to convince a jury that it is more likely than not that you gave him the $20. Seeing as how he is unemployed, its definitely a winnable case. As for lawyer fees, most lawyers in this situation would work on contingency. You wouldn't have to pay them out of pocket, they'd just take a portion of the recovered $$$.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 1:18

#45 = idiot

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Sunday 20 September 2009 1:46

I see that someone is quite fuzzy on the meaning of the word "give". I don't think that the jury is going to be as fuzzy on this meaning as you are, so suing would be a very poor idea.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 3:13

This is everyones solution for everything.

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Sunday 20 September 2009 3:57

What the fuck would she sue for? She gave him money (legal), he used the money to gamble (legal), he won a bunch of money (legal), he broke up with her (legal). Yes he's a dick but she can't sue him for being selfish. There is no case here whatsoever.

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Monday 21 September 2009 5:16

tub win

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 0:48

64- Civil lawsuits don't mean "legal/illegal." that's what criminal cases are for.

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Friday 23 March 2012 1:55

once she gave him the money it became his...note she didn't loan it to him.

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Monday 28 November 2016 10:56

No proof to the origins of the money and they're not married. OP is SOL.

sunshyne84_fml 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:23

He wasn't gonna pay the bills with no job anyway, so what's the problem?

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:24

you want to go out with me sometime?

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:25

@ #9, she cant sue him, there's no law saying you have to pay someone back for giving you money. To the op, you deserved this, he's unemployed and living off of you and you allowed it, and gave him money to gamble. Why in the hell would you work two jobs to support you and a grown ass man that isn't doing shit? I cant believe you would be so ignorant you couldn't see that he was using you for money.

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:27

ocean's thirteen all over again!!