By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Unforgettable

Today, I was mistaken for an employee at my grandmother's funeral. There were only twelve of us there, all family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

939

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There's no helping some people

Vulture

One-sided

By ew - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50992

You deserved it

9162

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By Arthur - United States

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48194

You deserved it

3199

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By alex - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8738

You deserved it

34096

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29996

You deserved it

2497

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By notsoskinny - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48850

You deserved it

18575

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By bchorror - 22/4/2020 02:00

One ring to…

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

1086

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48626

You deserved it

6623

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By embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31476

You deserved it

3890

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By bonesniffer - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37607

You deserved it

6001

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By notattractiveatall - Australia - Newcastle

Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25687

You deserved it

1750

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By sicufovoshxbsjdk - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36204

You deserved it

2595

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25534

You deserved it

2120

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 05:01 - Australia

Paranoia

Today, I offered help a customer to record his details, as he didn't have a scanner. He just stared at me, saying that he would never give any of his details if I typed them on my phone, as I could "do something else" without him knowing. He ended up canceling his orders and got upset on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

705

You deserved it

100

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By negativesoup

Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9202

You deserved it

762

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By AmySweet - United States

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34387

You deserved it

4621

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By Anonymous

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1514

You deserved it

136

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By hashtag67

Today, I taught my first seminar as a teaching assistant. I prepared for hours and rehearsed and discussed it with the professor. Two students fell asleep, I said "shit" twice and I froze mid-sentence, then said, "Sorry guys, I have no idea what I'm saying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10114

You deserved it

1510

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By Babysitter Probs - United States - Fresno

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9252

You deserved it

947

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By shandrith - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82303

You deserved it

252329

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By Anonymous - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6644

You deserved it

566

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By Beast - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38063

You deserved it

3843

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By Disgusted - United States

Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32154

You deserved it

10708

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By Cece

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1773

You deserved it

514

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 02:01

On a scale of 1 to Annoying…

Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML

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837

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30989

You deserved it

2793

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By soomeone - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13647

You deserved it

25556

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By Distressed - United States

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66545

You deserved it

3532

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By firemansam - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Advent calendar time!

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16516

You deserved it

29651

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By Sybille - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28440

You deserved it

4029

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By miss Suzanne - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26391

You deserved it

9568

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By in debt

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2930

You deserved it

543

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62180

You deserved it

4918

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my lovely amazing boyfriend likes to pee in everything other than the toilet. This includes: Hawaiian punch jugs, the sink, empty cans/bottles and out of my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26794

You deserved it

3730

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By ldbella - United States

Today, I decided to do a word search in my daughter's Hello Kitty coloring book. It took me 30 minutes to find 6 words in a kids coloring book for ages 1 and up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13289

You deserved it

36298

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By DJ Clitter - United States

Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7071

You deserved it

33333

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By NewFiancee - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50156

You deserved it

9580

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By bootycall:( - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8790

You deserved it

1216

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By Bad Dad - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36262

You deserved it

4918

Favorite

By rholt - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50374

You deserved it

8056

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By Anonymous - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34467

You deserved it

2040

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7951769 - Friday 13 November 2020 23:24

We're you all decked out in your Goth getup, Morticia?

When you do, you're such a pretty ghoul.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7951776 - Saturday 14 November 2020 0:16

You must have looked very smart and respectful.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7951769 - Friday 13 November 2020 23:24

We're you all decked out in your Goth getup, Morticia?

When you do, you're such a pretty ghoul.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7951776 - Saturday 14 November 2020 0:16

You must have looked very smart and respectful.

By lev | 11

#7951930 - Saturday 14 November 2020 20:45

are you from the same family where someone didn't know their own cousin?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7951960 - Saturday 14 November 2020 23:24

"I really need to change my name..." - Usher