Intimacy: Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved,... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/07/2015 05:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 5 855

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Joe - 19/10/2009 04:32 - Cambodia

Spicy

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 102

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 526

You deserved it 15 211

Sex ed done right, sort of

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 809

Bad student at the school of life

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, despite spending literal years educating my son about safe sex and warning him not to do something stupid like get a girl pregnant at 16, he actually surpassed my expectations. He got her pregnant at 17. Plus she gave him a nasty STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 229

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 251

You deserved it 4 817

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 046

You deserved it 5 821

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 081

You deserved it 4 046

The best method!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 967

You deserved it 946

Nice try, chief

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 01:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 963

You deserved it 15 166

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 05:39 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 893

You deserved it 6 330

Next

Top comments

TheGolfGTI 24

Sunday 19 July 2015 5:42

You need to have a serious talk. That is not okay.

MDoremis 38

Sunday 19 July 2015 5:39

You must be so proud.

Comments

pocketpixie90 6

Sunday 19 July 2015 18:58

so not ok.

tarlax 11

Sunday 19 July 2015 19:30

That's sick, is your son Alain4343?

ezrajab 22

Sunday 19 July 2015 19:47

Sounds like he would make anyone happy

Redgy22 26

Sunday 19 July 2015 20:19

Whoa, this went bad real fast.

MandieL 27

Sunday 19 July 2015 20:45

Comments keep disappearing from is thread...

mrpresident95 6

Sunday 19 July 2015 21:31

He isn't wrong.

gottageek 17

Sunday 19 July 2015 23:01

Sounds like a few STDs waiting to happen.

tinyalmeida 11

Sunday 19 July 2015 23:38

Wow, sounds like you need to teach him a lesson about respecting women. That's so sad and creepy.

arrowgold 19

Monday 20 July 2015 0:32

Yeah, you should talk to him about consent.

wolf12king 12

Monday 20 July 2015 2:08

I know this is bad but doesn't he know the difference between anal and babysitting.

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Today, I just learned that the silly song my parents taught me as a small child, and would sometimes make me sing for the family, is actually a very thinly veiled series of penis jokes. Why just now? Because I hadn't thought about it for years, until my grandma brought it up at a reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 74

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 568

You deserved it 4 180

Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 1 864

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 389

You deserved it 4 857

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 136

You deserved it 5 328

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 412

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 894

You deserved it 5 993