Perfect

Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML

Beep beep

Today, I was cooking dinner when my smoke alarm started beeping. I opened the windows, turned on the fan, and checked everything twice. I then realized the noise wasn't the smoke alarm. It was my oven timer. I'd been cooking completely normally and panicking for no reason. FML

Smokey

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

Cooking with Anon

Today, after meaning to do so for a while, I began cleaning my oven. I sprayed it with the foam cleaner stuff, closed the oven for the foam to soak in, then forgot about the whole thing. Later, I preheated the oven for a pizza and triggered a smoke alarm, which brought the fire department to my door. No pizza, just shame. FML

Safety test

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

Kitchen nightmares

Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

Masterchef

Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML