Love: Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 27

25/10/2013 21:39

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 602

You deserved it 3 774

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

Commando

Big boomer energy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 20:06

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 327

You deserved it 242

Jump

By Petitprof - 12/11/2010 18:23

Today, someone in my class wrote, "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I'm always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 217

You deserved it 5 325

18/10/2018 23:00

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 320

23/12/2009 20:48

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 729

You deserved it 45 957

23/07/2015 19:00

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 072

You deserved it 2 882

06/02/2010 19:50

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss's truck. While he was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 23 529

28/08/2009 07:51

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 621

You deserved it 9 905

22/09/2016 17:14

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 711

You deserved it 845

06/09/2015 12:50

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 774

You deserved it 1 806

10/08/2016 16:26

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 935

You deserved it 2 079

02/08/2009 03:41

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 919

You deserved it 13 897

13/06/2009 04:09

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 981

You deserved it 78 037

07/11/2014 06:53

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 503

You deserved it 4 190

11/01/2018 06:00

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I am now the laughingstock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 177

You deserved it 518

11/02/2014 19:10

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 317

You deserved it 3 683

27/01/2010 07:35

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 100

You deserved it 27 709

09/07/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 220

You deserved it 992

01/06/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 507

You deserved it 791

05/11/2015 21:24

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 816

You deserved it 2 046

04/08/2012 17:15

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 973

You deserved it 3 488

08/01/2009 11:21

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 176

You deserved it 4 691

06/12/2008 07:51

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 4 123

13/02/2011 21:14

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 838

You deserved it 3 090

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 166

25/06/2018 20:30

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 132

You deserved it 248

20/05/2011 02:08

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 653

You deserved it 6 876

23/10/2016 21:27

Today I got a $60 parking ticket for not paying the $2.50 pay-to-park fee. I checked my bank records, which proved that I'd paid the fee, for the correct space too. The problem is the ticket is too small to contest in traffic court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 666

You deserved it 890

02/05/2014 03:13

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 48 627

Sips unsee juice

By Facepalm2020 - 21/06/2020 23:01

Today, my mom asked me what twerking was. When I said that it was a club dance, trying to get out of telling her what it actually was, she begged me to teach her how to do it. My mom complained to my dad, who grounded me for not teaching her to twerk her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 311

07/11/2010 20:15

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 4 619

24/03/2011 19:07

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 318

You deserved it 4 684

22/12/2009 21:54

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 8 941

03/08/2013 13:01

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 380

You deserved it 6 524

Get on with it!

By Mimmi491 - 28/02/2021 17:01

Today, I'm waiting for the second evaluator to accept my master's thesis so I can graduate. If my grade isn't submitted by the end of the week, my credits will expire, which will have consequences for my job. The evaluator is the same woman who graded essays from the beginning of the college year at the end of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 77

17/05/2009 05:46

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 875

You deserved it 6 364

22/06/2016 05:15

Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 3 361

04/08/2012 22:15

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 1 956

22/06/2012 16:14

Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 2 084

01/01/2011 05:27

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 635

You deserved it 3 579

12/06/2010 18:55

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 995

You deserved it 8 023

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:28

At least he's your "now ex-boyfriend".

Kitsi 14

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:29

I guess he's not your boyfriend because he's a dickless wonder. Also, being overwight doesn't mean she is not a human female. fucking loser.

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:28

At least he's your "now ex-boyfriend".

RawrImaDragon 18

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:33

Am I the only one annoyed by the "now ex-boyfriend/girlfriend" thing?

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:36

How else would you phrase it? My recently ex-boyfriend? My until-recently-boyfriend? My ex-boyfriend-with-whom-I-just-broke-up? "Now ex-boyfriend" seems the least unwieldy.

NoFlippinWai 24

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:36

Yes. It answers the question some asshat was going to ask.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:43

I'm more sick of "don't you mean your EX-boyfriend?" comments than this. And yet you just know that some asswipe is going to say "dump him" anyway. Edit: #11 didn't waste any time at all.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 2:07

#2- Hopefully.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:44

Again, with my idea for the phrase filter.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 7:24

yes, yes you are.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:28

Because those seem like completely logical reasons. (sarcasm)

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:58

yeah and he also forgot to claims that he's an idiot asswipe

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:58

yeah and he also forgot to claims that he's an idiot asswipe

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:09

If anything reason B) made things even worse what an idiot...

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:21

Yeah there is no reason at all to cheat on some one you are in a relationship with its so much better to peacefully end the relationship and then do what ever feeling aren't as hurt that way

Qwermy 16

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:29

Just because he isn't proud of it doesn't make it not cheating.

\ 28

Saturday 26 October 2013 3:02

Neither does the failure to achieve an erection.

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:27

@4, my thoughts exactly. It's laughable when people try to justify their actions by pretending it's not a big deal because of its relevance to their feelings.

Kitsi 14

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:29

I guess he's not your boyfriend because he's a dickless wonder. Also, being overwight doesn't mean she is not a human female. fucking loser.

184886837272837 32

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:45

Yeah I agree! It's pretty shallow of him to use her being fat as an excuse. That's actually so mean to that poor girl.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 3:30

Even if she wasn't female it would still be cheating

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:02

I don't see how its that mean since she took part in the cheating as well...which makes her just as inconsiderate and asshattish

MzZombicidal 36

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:21

#72, it's mean because she's STILL a person, no matter her weight. Also, OP's ex could have simply lied to the lab partner and pretended he didn't have a girlfriend in the first place.

Send a private message

Friday 1 November 2013 12:40

At least OP doesnt have to be jealous of anything at all, considering he just stuck his knob in the crevice of a whale. Why the hell would he cheat on his girlfriend with a fat girl anyway? Unless he couldnt get any better, in which case OP is very well to be rid of him.

graceinsheepwear 33

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:30

He obviously didn't give much weight to what your reaction would be.

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 4:45

He probably thought he wouldn't have good chemistry with his lab partner as well. Oh well, no point in trying to dissect his reasoning for cheating, be glad you're done with that cheating scum.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:30

C) He is an ass

MrSassypants 32

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 5:26

His reason for cheating is because he is an ass? Now that's a reason that makes sense.

MrSassypants 32

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 6:22

Looking back on my comment, that sounds very sarcastic, which I didn't mean for it to be. I blame everyone else that's not me for my comment sounding sarcastic anyways.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 7:02

He is an ass because of the reason he gave explaning the cheating

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 21:49

Well, that too.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:31

I guess you can say he was experimenting? and the experiment failed o.O but in seriousness sorry op dont deserve that.

MasqueradePrince 25

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:31

His logic reminds me of Huckleberry Finn. -shakes my head-

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 2:04

More like "I'm your Huckleberry" OP, I'd be happy to help carry the coffin on his way to his "Tombstone".

MeowZebraMeow 7

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:31

Tell him that your "relationship" was only research for your next one. He's obviously into science, he'll understand.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 5:17

Best comment on this FML yet

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:31

I feel sorry for both you and that poor girl. Hopefully she'll dump his ass too.

Farmillionaire 8

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:33

I think she did...but im not sure what "now ex-boyfriend" means. Someone help us.

mansen 15

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:50

I think #11 was referring to the lab partner. As in hoping the lab partner will dump the guys ass too.

sicksadworld1317 30

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2013 1:54

The "too" makes me think that #11 was referring to the lab partner, not to OP. It does seem that it was more of a spur of the moment fling than a relationship on the side though, so I doubt the lab partner really needs to dump him.