Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML
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Top comments
mkid232 15
Wow, you sound like a bundle of fun, OP...
zed34 18
Men will be boys!
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Comments (228)
zed34 18
Men will be boys!
FrostHeart 36
Boys: are 21, look 14, act like 11 Girls: are 11, look 14, act 21
zed34 18
Which is why we have to be careful nowdays. Where was these chicks at when I was in school!!
RoboCunnilingus 23
No, he just had a sense of humor. Op seems a tad uptight.
rich443 22
I bet she's real tight with no sense of humor
jefflukey123 4
Oooooooo
londoner86 13
It ain't always funny. Last time I slapped a woman with my penis it knocked her unconscious.
Cazz91 21
Just talk to him about it so he might not do that to you again. I say that because he may just do it again despite what you tell him or it's possible your bf was just horsing around with you and thought you would have laughed at his immaturity with him.
life_sucks225 13
#28... I'm 16, look 21 and act 25. Not all men are the same.
xxlizsandraxx 7
#62 you must either have a huge penis or work it out on a daily bases
finalfantasyftw 10
#97 unless he slapped the back of her throat with it.
zandalee 19
143 - don't ruin my fantasy!
ThatFancyPenn 18
Wow #28 that completely wasn't from iFunny...
alchemist27 13
Wait you all know about Ifunny
mkid232 15
Wow, you sound like a bundle of fun, OP...
etoilenuit 15
Yea that's really funny. I would just laugh.
Jac_d_ipper 10
Bask in lovely times, OP you got a keeper and a humorous one; well haven't you heard 'child is father of the man'!
FYsocks 11
She sounds stuck up as hell. God forbid someone open up and be silly around another person. Must be a sign of a horrible person to have a sense of humor. Damn.
evan_7899 28
exactly
jimboner69 6
Now before we jump to any conclusions it is very possible that op did in fact deserve this...
Blazinthatshit 9
I'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic guys, and making fun of people who constantly say "YDI" for no apparent reason. I don't see why he's thumbed down.
Laurenluvz 11
Not everyone can read sarcasm over the Internet. OP's "significant other" sounds like a hobknocker to me.
bluehero 17
I think he sounds funny. Why do people want to be mature all the time? That's boring
sykokitti 15
#59 you don't even know how to wipe your @as yet, and you're already lame & boring... Good luck with that...
Weika 5
Are you really going to say @ss? Ass isn't censored you know.
Laurenluvz 11
I guess my comment wasn't really the best, but that response was way out of line..
TheAuditor 4
Uuuuuhhhh... hobknocker? Is that a UK term, or a ****-hate term, or what? I'm not really sure what to think of that. Either way, the dude sounds like a pretty free spirit to me. If OP's anus is too tight, try some lube, in conjunction with the penis mans powers... Should loosen things up a bit.
awkward611 26
idk if I find this funny or sad...
cuppycakeslove 20
How would this be sad?
kerrwoof 13
That sounds like my dream man, he's got a good sense of humor.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Every girl I've been with has said I'm the best at slapping them in face with my penis, just to let you know 41.. Haha.
jonnyblackless 6
Physical abuse..
deathshead 19
physical abuse? he hit her with his dick... I don't know about you, but I wouldn't slap someone very hard with mine...
uhhSavage 22
Tell him to quit giving you a hard time.
JFloUnknown 24
But still, try not to be too hard on him.
tacojauns 45
ya you don't want him to become soft
ArcherCLW 8
I think the joke was too hard for 49 to understand.
uhhSavage 22
Let's erect a statue in his honor, yeah?
jw90 18
He's got a good sense of humor
JustKittyKat 24
I agree. OP is a bit uptight to me. But that's just my opinion.
Jayalferez 15
Op why not play along! I think he was just trying to have some fun :)
Nordrag 26
Some people just don't understand the concept of fun.
perdix 29
I guess since you are dating man-child, you survived the beating and could write the FML. If he were a man, he'd have knocked you out (and them maybe up).
Welshite 39
That was pretty brutal, perdix, and an absolutely horrible thing to say. Maybe I'm reading it incorrectly, but abuse isn't funny at the best of times.
perdix 29
I think you are misreading. I'm talking about whacking her with his dick. It would be hyperbole to think someone with even a large package developing enough torque to knock someone out.
Welshite 39
In that case, I apologize. I suppose that would explain the trail of unconscious women you leave behind. I always thought they swooned at the sight of you, but apparently I've been mistaken all along.
perdix 29
Blame the Zumba! All that hip thrusting in class has helped me develop concussive junk torque. I wonder how the ladies in my class are savaging their husbands/boyfriend with their newfound pelvic power.
dakotahulsey 15
You are my favorite commenter.
MrBoredomioo 18
*then
TheAuditor 4
Oh c'mon. My parents got divorced cus of that shit, and I can still take a joke. Loosen up that butt of yours, sounds a little tight.
TheAuditor 4
Woops, didn't read more before commenting. Sorry 'bout that.
darwinism 30
Put a towel around your head and walk around naked saying you are the "Ocean Clam" then sit on his face and see if he can find your pearl. Wait. Maybe that will just encourage him more. FYL indeed
OnlyAvailableID 28
Well gentlemen. I think I've found my new favourite pickup line.
Fuji76 15
There's a pearl in there?!? Lol
uoeno_fml 20
It's all about the clit..
x_the_lancer_x 13
I think you are either too young or too immature for this app if you don't know what a ******** is.
BlueMoonCafe 12
Maybe he thought he was being legitimately funny.
Nordrag 26
Does anyone ever joke around to be illegitimately funny?