Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML
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Top comments
mkid232 15
Wow, you sound like a bundle of fun, OP...
zed34 18
Men will be boys!
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Comments (228)
olpally 32
Just laugh and say "oh, it's still smallville I see" what a douche.
olpally 32
Never mind, he has a sense of humor. Perhaps he could be a bit more mature though. Ugh. Today is not my day for commenting.
Daiyuki 5
What the hell does Smallville have to do with it? Besides, insulting a guy's size in response to an innocent joke would be a pretty bitchy thing to do.
rocker_chick105 31
He already apologized, give him a break.
imtooshy 18
Just enjoy it. He's being fun.
websphere69 27
at least he's not trojan man!
Flowtastic 16
That's when you declare you're Pamela Prude and get in on the LARP session he's trying to have.
JamieLT 22
Put him in his place. I wouldn't tolerate it. Acts like a child, treat him like one.
AirborneCleric 12
You wouldn't tolerate a guy with a sense of humor?
imtooshy 18
You'd rather be with someone boring? Relationships need fun and laughter.
AboveAll04 14
15, you sound like just as much fun as OP -__-
queerdragon 20
Really? Because I actually thought the boyfriend sounds like a load of fun. Hitting someone with your dick wouldn't hurt that bad. I think he sounds like a load of fun. On the other hand, Op sounds like a stick in the mud.
nadiaelise 2
your still being in high school would probably explain that
rudegirlmania 10
I'm more worried about the "place" he needs to be "put in". Like a dog!
sykokitti 15
Oh I feel so sorry for you! You will never truly experience life being such a funsucker
rocker_chick105 31
102- I'm still in high school, what's your point?
TheAuditor 4
Not really sure either... I goof off like this all the time, and most the girls that are fun do something right back. Some of them are just laughing to hysterically to do anything though... The uptight ones usually are the ones that get pissed off or offended. All though, I've never used that exact sentence before, similar events have occurred with penis slapping.
Pstraka6 20
Ahhh men....just overgrown boys
zandalee 19
For the love of God! I would hate it if my husband stopped beating me regularly with his meat!!
challan 19
OP, your man sounds like he's trying to bring sexy humor to the bedroom, and you sound like a stick in the mud.
buckdharma 37
That wasn't a towel, it's Penis Man's cape. He is busy protecting the world against the evil Professor Fucktard!
AboveAll04 14
and then after saving the world he wants to rest inside of your "secret layer" !
punkyboy 11
atleast he doesn't want be called professor fucktard edit: 21 beat me to it
buckdharma 37
I thumbed you up Punkyboy. I realised you were Penis Man's faithful sidekick.
punkyboy 11
it seems my identity has been revealed. I am penis man's sidekick. he is the hero penisville deserves but not the one it needs right now.
D0n41d 7
Anyone who actually comes to the internet to complain about something this unremarkable will probably end up just ******* their own lives
TheAuditor 4
"unremarkable" First thought was the judge from pokemon. ...Remarkable!
emeraldisle 30
Lighten up OP. He's got a silly sense of humour. Laugh a little.