Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
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Top comments
TysonBrown 0
... grow up baby, ur parents ****! deal with it!
perdix 31
I'll bet the OP means "scarred" for life. Just another instance where some Internet dummy doesn't know that doubling a letter can change the whole meaning of a sentence. What a looser! So, Casper the Friendly Ghost wasn't wearing his raincoat when he entered Mom's dark, moist, scary haunted mansion!
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Comments (165)
broknsmiles88 2
omg get over it. they had to do it anyway you weren't flown in by a stork. grow up
laden_swallow09 35
YDI for being born… pansy
TakebeSogu 1
wow....
ol_bibster 0
sex and parents is a shady area
simplylost643 0
Ghost, in my mind, infers a distict lack of worldly possesions. I.E., He wouldn't of had any clothes on to begin with. Or, was she implying that he removed his sheet with eye holes cut into it? Maybe he had to remove the costume because the thought of an incomplete unsubstantial being getting it on was just to spooky to make happen. If so, you should compliment him on his iron tight grip on reality, cause you wouldn't of been here without it.
Niaa_fml 0
Cause you wouldn't have been here without it.* Trying to be smart fail.
yaya1213 6
lol
KupkakeKitten 8
Sydney, Australia, the Rocks Hotel......
jokerman7734 0
scarred
steggunekoms 0
why do parents feel the need to tell us this crap??
phorcep 0
If you're that scared OP just go move in with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.