Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, I came home to my frantic mom boxing up all the family electronics. She'd heard about the Roblox lawsuit and is now convinced that every inch of the internet is crawling with pedophiles. Now my two little brothers are throwing earsplitting tantrums and I have no way to drown them out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
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Top comments
drunkandfml 11
2-in-1! Fun for children AND adults!
lysx84 24
So next time you find it - hide it from her. Simple.
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Comments (88)
mosquito19 14
batman is only creepy if it's in the shape of used *****
chinagirl3343 8
So break it and buy your brother a less freaky looking one.
outoftown 27
Screaming for hours sounds more like a phobia than a fear. Try talking to a teacher or counselor at school, to get it through to your mom that her behavior is not ok.
iPushFatKids 1
What would it be called? Holmeophobia? "Tell me how you feel" "Well, I am terrified of my... brother's batman toy."
bman0219 4
I would break it
Catkam623 27
Assassin nun duh and when you say woody and buzz toy story does not come to mind " cough vibrator/ ***** cough cough"
harrypotterfanat_fml 3
My parents keep doing that to me with a darth mall pez dispenser
Krimzon 5
I wanna know what kinda toy it is!
kriz_allizwell 6
Why do we fall, poohanne?
Mayshod 3
Where does he get such wonderful toys?
deidre823 7
You're afraid of Batman?!