Miscellaneous: Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Taunton

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML

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By chumpslolo - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

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By Chicagoillinois - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

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By Fat and Embarrassed - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

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By anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

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By targe - Australia

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

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By those_allergies - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 20:00

Instadrama

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

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By oh great - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my brother let me fly his two day old, expensive drone. Within a minute I had crashed it into a potato field. Four hours of searching and we still haven't found it. FML

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By 11321 - United States

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

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By NotANaturist - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

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By powerless - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

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By ShootMe

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Today, a high maintenance client informed me that he wants 50+ pages of new content added to his website "now". He doesn't understand that I also have 30+ other clients to write for. I'm wondering if I can charge him for my new anxiety meds. FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 02:02

Who the fuck are you?

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

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By Milk Dispenser - United States - Herriman

Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

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By Beva - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Left hanging

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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By Buggga - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

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By Bad parenting101 - United States - Denver

Today, my son shaved his eyebrows. Two days ago, I caught my 10-year-old daughter watching porn. I'm totally winning at parenting. FML

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By Quin

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

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By Susan - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

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By Username - France

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got to a patient having a seizure and was approached by a bystander who said to me, "I have pharmaceutical grade essential oils, and they recommend Frankincense for seizures." Thank you? FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife of 6 years came out as a lesbian. I moved out of state and away from family to start a new life with her. Turns out she's attracted to my mom. FML

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By noodlesandmilk - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

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By probablyadopted1 - United States - Houston

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

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By Men '86 - Canada

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

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Top comments

By loko0909 | 13

#6461717 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:01

That's a lovely mental picture to have there.

By djdeadly | 14

#6461747 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:16

Punch him. Then say he didn't see that coming

COMMENTS

By loko0909 | 13

#6461717 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:01

That's a lovely mental picture to have there.

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6461736 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:08

What a dick.

Reply

One_Way | 43

#6461778 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:40

That's what OP's mom said.

Reply

spacefish966 | 18

#6461822 - Sunday 15 November 2015 8:34

Love the comments

By SWEET_CS | 6

#6461720 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:01

EPIC!!!! dad-1 son-0

Reply

allforfun | 23

#6461835 - Sunday 15 November 2015 9:14

I lol'd

Reply

Nessco | 36

#6461910 - Sunday 15 November 2015 14:09

So funny! Glad I'll never hear that from dad.

Reply

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6462164 - Sunday 15 November 2015 21:37

*step-dad

By BantasaurusRex | 13

#6461721 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:02

Why was your dad trying to 1-up you?

Reply

A1NoSauce | 17

#6461759 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:24

Step-dad* so he's more than likely just being an ass.

By SecundusSecunda | 27

#6461731 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:05

"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced."

Reply

AcieMcG | 21

#6461782 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:49

Hahaha will quote that next time the BF comes on me.

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6462011 - Sunday 15 November 2015 17:28

I could have gone my whole life without hearing that

Reply

enginsteve | 17

#6462582 - Monday 16 November 2015 10:08

WTF?! I don't understand any of this!

Reply

AcieMcG | 21

#6463273 - Tuesday 17 November 2015 2:31

And did it, he just shook his head in shame at me lol.

By sirdannyboy1 | 20

#6461734 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:07

Cum on man, you didn't have to tell us that.

Reply

bryce_causovski | 12

#6462208 - Sunday 15 November 2015 23:38

This is actually pretty funny why has everyone disliked it?

Reply

peacheso | 31

#6463445 - Tuesday 17 November 2015 7:17

It would have been a perfect pun if ops mom was a 'man'. Secondly, we've seen it on FML a couple of times.

By ACommenter | 7

#6461735 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:07

I think you would need to buy a new brain to get that out of your mind...

Reply

Hammer1722 | 19

#6461844 - Sunday 15 November 2015 10:26

Brain bleach, lots of it

By Mysterious_one | 20

#6461740 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:09

Sorry OP.. No real man would say such a thing..

By lexred | 30

#6461744 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:14

Dude.... either he is really easily irritable or a sex freak. I hope that he's the first one.

By djdeadly | 14

#6461747 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:16

Punch him. Then say he didn't see that coming

Reply

gamermonster | 34

#6461838 - Sunday 15 November 2015 9:38

Cumming* :3

Reply

MassiDelta | 28

#6462146 - Sunday 15 November 2015 20:31

Like John Cena

Reply

xKrisSmoove | 21

#6462162 - Sunday 15 November 2015 21:21

The stepdad would've then said "your mom didn't see it coming"

Reply

Elban | 20

#6463010 - Monday 16 November 2015 20:10

Maybe she did

By TMWhisp | 22

#6461748 - Sunday 15 November 2015 6:16

Might be a good idea to purchase some mind bleach right away.