Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
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Comments (123)
KingCeltic77 18
Personally if it were my daughter, I would be glad she's still a virgin. (But then again, my daughter is Laurie, so it's not gonna happen).
lilhellian 27
how is she not pregnant i didnt use a condom:) and she has no birth control.
Inediblepeaches 15
Oh god, the last thing FML needs is roll-play. Please stop ;_;
lilhellian 27
Sorry I had to.:)
annnmarie2025 0
I cracked up so hard when I read that! I freaking love That 70's Show!!!
MedKits 9
I should kick you in the ass for talking about my daughter that way!
lilhellian 27
Atleast it won't be up my ass.:)
sicksadworld1317 30
It's ok OP. You see, if your mom is a compassionate woman who didn't appreciate his comment, your dad likely won't be getting laid for a while either :)
SApprentice 34
Shame him. Look at him and say something like, "Dad, I heard what you said to Mom, about how I'll only get laid when I get put in a coffin. I'm not mad, I just want you to know how hurtful that was, and how bad it made me feel." He's your dad, he probably loves you a lot, so if you're really blunt like that it might make him feel guilty enough to realize he was wrong.
jelly713 19
She should try that or just tell her dad "My sex life is none of your business. I don't plan to confide in you about crap now. Thanks dad."
kotana191 8
All you can do is prove him wrong
Ibanez3x 5
by becoming a **** star
Polograte 0
Your dad must be an asshole. What does he know about your social life?
simonsaysYDI 8
Probably a lot considering she still lives at home. I know younger brother is unpopular, I don't need to shadow him to figure it out. He's awkward, doesn't have great social skills, makes terrible jokes. I love him, but I know he doesn't have the personality to make many friends.
nevereyes 31
You Don't have to be popular to get laid........ Common sense....
ObeyStudKing 4
Your Dad is a ******* douche.
greenmen 12
Imagine what's next!
GothickNihilist 15
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder OP . Don't worry , somebody will find you someday. Disregard your father . Believe in yourself, and then you will find love .
answeryourphone 3
HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOUR DAD