Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
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Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
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Comments (123)
m_2_teh_c 6
Least you know he won't be an over protective father. :)
skyeyez9 25
And then those same parents wonder why their teenage daughters have such low self esteem.
irietownn 0
Thats funny as hell are you hot?
agonydrum 7
That's such a creepy comment
musicmaniac0099 0
Wow, that's such a nice thing to say about your own child..
daynesoriginal 0
As kelso would say ''BURN''!!!!!!!
badgebunny 3
Lol so funny
nico16_fml 6
There's should be a headline that u could click on saying " your dad owned ur ass"
jelly713 19
OP's sex life is none of her dad's business. One's sex life is no one else's business. OP, don't feel bad. Confidently tell your dad, "My sex life, existent or not, is none of your business. Don't expect me to confide in you now that I've heard you talk crap." Some dads sleep good at night knowing their daughters don't sleep around, virgin or not. Just because your dad doesn't value your abstinence (voluntary or not), it's doesn't mean you shouldn't feel comfortable in your own shoes. Sex is an experience that'll happen eventually, as it does for most. Look at it this way, it's easier as a girl to get laid. If you want it bad enough, with some effort & dolling up, you can get laid.
outoftown 27
What a cruel thing to say about your child! Let's hope OP's mom puts dad out on the couch to show him just how unpopular his insult was.
Wii624 5
Tell your mom to take note and realize why the have a “Sex ed” unit in phys ed classes! And btw how old are you? If your getting the sex talk you can’t be any older than 12? If so nice job on the typing!