Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
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Comments (123)
gczizza1997 15
Should've said "well at least you can demonstrate it at your funeral for me old man!" see how far his jaw drops then.
kms1777 6
Goodness what a jerk. I would tell him that he should mind his own dang buisness and get the heck out of mine.
dolphins_penny 5
That's totally uncalled for! I feel your pain OP my dad got mad one time and told me I was suppose to be aborted.......parents can say the most mean things when they're suppose to be supportive. I'm sure your beautiful OP. (or handsome, I didn't look at your name) hopefully your dad just meant you were a smart person and wouldn't have sex so young and would more likely die at a young age then make a bad decision.
berryblizzard 11
Ouch...
pinkbabypuff1 0
Nice dad you have there.
Mynameislinh 24
Daaang. That's really rude.. Also we have the same name! Well.. almost.
3lk 2
Your dad is keeping it real
thardtke 3
Really? Your cousin was actually listening to your tears?
samsaf1989 5
You've got the wrong FML mate :)
chelseycoble5 3
Your dads kind of an ass
YoursTru1yXo 0
Well he laid that to rest..
YoursTru1yXo 0
I haters
YoursTru1yXo 0
Hiiiiiii haters!!!! Most likely insecure chicks hating (thumbs up)