Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: Spicy!

Spicy!

By feeling dusty - 11/03/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 878

You deserved it 1 610

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Same thing different taste

Thin brown line

By Poopy - 12/01/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 894

You deserved it 8 247

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 629

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 868

You deserved it 4 544

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 044

You deserved it 5 523

Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 871

You deserved it 592

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 795

By LoveLost - 09/07/2016 02:57

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 253

You deserved it 2 783

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 255

You deserved it 394

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 785

You deserved it 7 460

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 643

You deserved it 6 606

Roberto G. Rodriguez 5

Saturday 24 February 2018 14:29

I hate to say it, but you and he deserve it...it has to go in areas where it can't get inside either of you (Can cause bad infections otherwise). Before trying new things look how to properly use them. Also have fun experimenting (you need it and it can lead to more fun)

Lobby_Bee 17

Sunday 11 March 2018 8:14

Put that penis in your mouth and the chocolate should melt away.

Comments

Roberto G. Rodriguez 5

Saturday 24 February 2018 14:29

sixtus1973 27

Sunday 11 March 2018 7:16

Why you didn't lick it off?

Lobby_Bee 17

Sunday 11 March 2018 8:14

Put that penis in your mouth and the chocolate should melt away.

lexos 16

Sunday 11 March 2018 10:24

You 2 might wanna have a talk with each other if you haven't had any sex in months.

chosha_fml 26

Sunday 11 March 2018 12:58

Oh for goodness sakes. Just have sex and stop getting fancy about it.

ThatGuy9679 13

Sunday 11 March 2018 14:56

For some folks vanilla isn't enough

mssileas 25

Monday 12 March 2018 7:55

That might be, but if using chocolate is 'spicing it up' it's safe to assume OP is a pretty vanilla person Anything exceeding vanilla practices requires trust and a certain familiarity with the partner's body. Both of which are not given when dry spells can last for months

chosha_fml 26

Wednesday 14 March 2018 9:29

A little chocolate sauce is plenty vanilla

kateannobrien 23

Sunday 11 March 2018 13:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

SneezyBear 27

Sunday 11 March 2018 16:54

#Kateannobrien poor you, you don't have a relationship so you feel the need to dismiss other people's valid complaints - well guess what some people don't even have arms or legs. Some people are orphans and don't even have families let alone romantic relationships. Why don't you fix whatever makes you unattractive to potential partners if you can't get a date, hmm? Maybe you can start by being sympathetic to strangers who are having trouble rather than being a rude uncaring asshole.