Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
froggyjade 16
Bet you looked beautiful :-D
blackonblight 33
Hey, if David Bowie can rock glitter lips, why not you? Just channel your inner goblin king.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
stargirl_95 24
Surely if you're borrowing a female friend's chapstick you'd check to see if it was lip gloss/glittery first or at least ask her?
VeganVampyre 27
He probably assumed that "Chapstick" was specific enough that he'd actually get Chapstick rather than lipgloss. Never assume, people!
Thunderstruck14 30
What's the big deal anyway? Its just lipgloss. Girls wear it. So why can't guys? Besides, being called princess isn't really an insult. It's just silly and immature. Which is fine, but its not a huge deal.
Rainhawk94 27
You make zero sense
junkman6 22
Burt's bees makes colored Chapstick now. Just a heads up because I walked around with lipstick for half a day before someone told me.
cmbar831 14
Your majesty xD
LeatherEmporium 7
FAB-U-LOUS.
darwinism 30
Correct them and say you are Edward, and not just a simple princess. Then bite them if they continue teasing you.
DKjazz 20
Then they'll just tease him more.
WhatsOpTic 11
Or fear him.
octopusprimee 7
im now feared, thanks.
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
Just say you got some action during the lunch break dude ;)
Enslaved 38
If I saw you, I would have thought you just finish kissing a girl.
davek 36
But did he like it?
bugfroggy 16
Read the FML, #63.
rahrah765765 11
Apparently it tasted like her cherry chapstick...
fsomelife 26
Glisten, don't feel so glow, it's their gloss.
zahidnasir 22
princess, hows you?
fsomelife 26
Hehe, I saw you post at first that everyone calls you prince...
zahidnasir 22
hahaha you are double L that is lier looser
Enslaved 38
And yet I saw that you did it too. Figured you just edit it. No big deal until you become a LL yourself :P "Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"
zahidnasir 22
oh okay you saw great! somebody give this retard a medal
Rainhawk94 27
*Hands #48 a medal*
bugfroggy 16
#48, I may be stupid, but I'm pretty sure #67 just called you a retard.
zahidnasir 22
world be soo great just without fucktards like ..
Meettitan 14
What did I just read?
horizontalline 18
It helped bring out your sparkling personality
Wizardo 34
If this deplorable twilight craze has taught me anything is that you'll be flocked by magpie like females tomorrow.