Kids: Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that...

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 037

You deserved it 3 747

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Tasty!

By Sad and hungry - 25/04/2020 17:00

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 245

By screwedwoman27 - 19/06/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 019

You deserved it 7 502

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 496

You deserved it 6 558

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 463

You deserved it 6 718

Slight overreaction

By GiGib - 08/11/2023 06:00

Today, during my sister’s baby shower, my 3 year-old daughter choked on a piece of food. My sister got upset because this apparently attracted a lot of attention from the other guests, and called my daughter an “attention whore” for “choosing today of all days to make a damn scene.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 92

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 239

You deserved it 6 678

By Jess - 30/05/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 366

You deserved it 71 824

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 200

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 071

You deserved it 3 296

Lame

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 348

You deserved it 7 481

rosenkrieger223 21

Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:33

That's more than just a little extreme. That's in the realm of insanely extreme.

DanqGirlxoxo 13

Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:19

Mother in laws know how to swallow more than anyone , they just don't admit it. That's why they try to make themselves seem to perfect.

Comments

groovycrazyjoe 18

Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:42

I would've kick her out my house

jaybear13 14

Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:11

thafs hilarious. your mother in law needs to lighten up

FlyingPie 17

Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:28

It's hard to believe that came out of his mouth. That situation must have been hard to swallow.

amifaiyaz 12

Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:32

Well, it is true.

Raykyogrou03 12

Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:38

Well. In-laws are known to be ******* retarded

miniski5 11

Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:40

Spitters are quitters

Eloras_Mom 0

Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:41

The reason she wanted to call CPS is probably cause she thought OP must be making the kids do perverse things to him. Probably pictured him saying that to the kids during a sexual act and that was where they heard it. You cant trust anyone these days. And its not unheard of for a father to do that. Of course, it would take a helluva a lot more to make me suspect child abuse. Mom In Law really has it out for this poor guy.

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Tuesday 28 May 2013 10:01

I think most people got that. That doesn't change the fact that C.P.S. probably would have laughed their asses off at her because kids say the darnedest things. It also really doesn't change the fact that the Mother-in-Law has a filthy mind. "Good girls swallow their veggies, not spit them out."