Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML
Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with rose petals on the bed. Romantic, right? Turns out, the roses I'd bought had been sprayed with some sort of red dye. The petals stained the sheets, my hands, and our white-furred cat, who now looks like a tiny crime scene victim. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML
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Top comments
Residence_fml 4
Well that kinda sucks, but be happy he tried to do something. It's apperantly an unspoken rule for women to be happy with what their husbands give them, with the right thought behind it of course, even though it kinda fails. My boyfriend always tries to cook me delicious diner but ends up throwing a main ingredient in I really don't like. I still love the fact he went through all the trouble trying to please me.
nebula748 14
Those darn pricks.
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Comments (137)
Doortje 30
Ouch. You got some real war scars now.
Mimiroxxi 0
lmao one of the funniest FMLs I read in a long time
atthegates 0
I agree with Hanna Montana
PeteyPablo12308 20
Oh how romantic!!!! ...*sigh*
Livinia 11
It's the thought that counts <3
iizcalebhearmero 0
youre hot
sincerely331 0
Lmfao! Yur husband is stupid
jess6blondie9 3
Looks like he's not the only stupid one.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Lmao. ^^^
epyk_pryncess 8
I read this, and first thought I had was Brett Michaels singing... "every rose has it's thorns"
docscientist 10
Same here, except I wanted deny I ever had.
docscientist 10
*to deny
asiamph 1
at least he really wntd to do smtg special fa yah...unlk sm useless creatures out there! The thought really counts...
AllDay_ErryDay 0
Um what..?
melissamoshh 0
Here you go: "At least he really wanted to do something special for you, unlike some useless creatures out there. The thought really counts..."
ElementalDragon 2
There are times when shortening words is somewhat acceptable. Sadly for you, those days didn't end with the coming of these things on phones called "full QWERTY keyboard"s.
aegillesp 1
Nice!
sourgirl101 29
Yeaaaaa! they printed another one of my FMLs.(: To sum a few things up, Monday was my birthday and I was complaining that I hadn't had my "birthday" sex yet! My husband and I had been working opposite schedules and he was really trying to be sweet and romantic. One of the thorns went through my shoulder blades and bleed just a tad. However, the night wasn't a lost cause, if you know what I mean. I just now have roses peals all over my floor that need cleaning up!
kyanisaurus 0
glad your FML turned into a FGL!
Doortje 30
If he cleans it, does he earn a *******?
sourgirl101 29
Haha Doortje, I always love reading your comments.(:
muffinlizzie 7
Well congrats! But next time tell him that just the petals will do.
jordanprodigy023 0
Good for him, he deserves an A for effort
kourtney12302 0
Aww.