Love: Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more... - FML

By American Idiot - 20/09/2016 19:25 - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 808

You deserved it 1 436

Own it

Broken heart

Never go public

By Emmy - 02/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 284

You deserved it 3 348

By deadfish - 03/10/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, my 9 year old little sister is coming back in town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 333

You deserved it 61 521

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 360

You deserved it 9 828

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 218

You deserved it 3 013

By MandieL - 30/01/2016 08:56 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 157

You deserved it 1 787

By Smart - 16/09/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 536

You deserved it 3 116

By anonymous - 14/12/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 12 188

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 98

By Brittany - 10/04/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 053

You deserved it 49 789

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 267

You deserved it 2 683

By Jesse - 10/05/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 977

You deserved it 2 401

By mickey1928 - 12/01/2010 13:10

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 866

You deserved it 2 877

By tryingnottocare - 06/08/2009 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 323

You deserved it 4 573

By I’m screwed - 08/12/2018 15:30

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 2 681

By Anonymous - 25/11/2016 08:43

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 168

You deserved it 1 021

Stink bomb

By Jenni - 02/08/2021 11:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got into my car to remember that I left dead fish and waxworms in my car from fishing at the lake yesterday. We unloaded everything but those two stinky things. It was 90 degrees today too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 1 114

By screwedupfuck - 27/03/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 399

You deserved it 6 040

By themuffinman - 27/12/2011 15:15 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 655

You deserved it 3 213

No friends left

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I’ve dreamt of going back to high school so many times, every morning I wake up thinking I finished it twice and still have all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 129

By makeitstop - 04/08/2011 13:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 562

You deserved it 63 446

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was asleep in my back garden and woke up when a bird landed on my hat and took a big shit right in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 440

By Who-is-living-with-whom - 03/11/2016 06:10

Today, my mother finally finalized her divorce! Unfortunately, she'll have to sell the house, and when she does, she'll move in with me. I only moved out a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 666

You deserved it 908

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 20:28 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 768

You deserved it 7 979

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 131

You deserved it 566

By sen - 19/02/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 315

You deserved it 2 622

He's got the moves

By beccav23 - 25/10/2011 16:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 259

You deserved it 7 457

By Anonymous - 31/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 094

You deserved it 31 739

By katwingz - 19/02/2013 22:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 6 174

By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 149

You deserved it 38 642

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Staten Island

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 90

By blinded - 05/07/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 685

You deserved it 5 044

By KrazyKill - 09/03/2012 19:04 - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 74 848

By biglady - 17/02/2011 07:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 490

You deserved it 55 431

By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 795

You deserved it 278

Seems fair

By Anonymous - 20/09/2017 20:00

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike without the seat cover on. I hit a curb wrong and the two metal rods from the skeleton of the seat went through my jeans. I went to the med clinic to then find out that I had to get stitches in my scrotum. There were no male doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 49 662

By :/ - 05/04/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 393

You deserved it 11 091

Tetchy

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 19:58

Today, my partner got mad at me for forgetting to turn off the bedroom light when coming back from brushing my teeth, and has chosen to sleep in our spare bedroom over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 08/07/2015 20:50 - United States - Saddle River

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 772

You deserved it 2 058

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 716

You deserved it 7 483

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Top comments

Seabass_Chan 33

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:07

I take it your child is the mature one then?

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:07

That's just ridiculous. Your whole life should OBVIOUSLY revolve around him and his achievements!

Comments

Seabass_Chan 33

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:07

I take it your child is the mature one then?

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:07

That's just ridiculous. Your whole life should OBVIOUSLY revolve around him and his achievements!

Lady_Spaghetti 36

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:08

That's no reason to pick a fight. I'm sorry your partner is insecure, OP.

MrsHumanFrog 19

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:14

uh, Yeah.... you Made the child....

soulreaper12296 28

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Thursday 22 September 2016 19:57

And the father didn't? I get that yes women are the ones that carry the child and the one to go through labor, but it has always irritated me when the father gets no credit.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:14

You should load up your desk with 8 staplers, 15 tape dispensers, 6 pencil cups, 17 paper clip dispensers and 4 desk blotters. And no pictures. No family fighting and you'll probably be promoted to CEO in six weeks.

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:18

Someone's a little jealous...

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:20

American idiot I love the title

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:27

Stupid thing to pick a fight over. But I can understand where he might be coming from if you have ten pictures of your kid and only one of him. Dumb to fight over it though.

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:38

Replace all of his photos with ones of your kid or just random photos, that will please him. Trust me, I'm a marriage counselor who got my degree from google.

Lady_Spaghetti 36

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 9:47

On a different note, make sure he doesn't go La Llorona on you!

Lady_Spaghetti 36

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Wednesday 21 September 2016 21:27

Apparently, no one knows what I'm talking about. La Llorona killed her kids so that her husband would pay more attention to her.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 510

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 184