Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not... - FML

By AR Good - 26/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Hawthorne

Spicy

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 745

You deserved it 186

Own it

Compromises

Our house, in the middle of our street

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 02:01

Today, and over the years, my wife has methodically destroyed our house, insisting she is good at DIY. Our house is either in bits, half-finished or falling apart. I had it confirmed by a realtor, who assessed the house as worth 100 grand less than we paid for it. It’s a building site with a roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 183

By Never Work With Animals or Children - 26/05/2012 11:06 - United States - Van Nuys

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 146

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 16:12 - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 772

You deserved it 34 605

By Homeless - 14/07/2009 02:16 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My boss's daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 021

You deserved it 34 068

By laury - 09/05/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 442

You deserved it 3 610

By Numb - 11/04/2011 19:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 365

You deserved it 7 015

By Crochocinco85 - 13/03/2014 11:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 619

You deserved it 6 419

By camp - 03/03/2009 22:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 934

You deserved it 27 570

That's sick

By Howww_06 - 04/09/2021 11:01 - Denmark

Today, my teacher said that since I was sick last week, I had to do all the work that the others had done, which i didn't know of because no one said anything about it. So now I've got to watch a total of 5 hours-worth of documentaries, and write analysis of them. Before tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 152

By FlowerPower - 20/07/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the rest of the morning blowing little bugs out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 776

You deserved it 18 258

By freckle82 - 12/05/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 419

You deserved it 4 501

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 576

You deserved it 53 953

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 534

You deserved it 9 291

By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 5 449

By lone_ranger - 25/09/2009 11:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 3 454

By Duellist - 13/04/2017 02:00

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 393

You deserved it 249

By Klamp18 - 20/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 992

You deserved it 54 135

By hairy - 08/03/2012 14:30 - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 469

You deserved it 13 774

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 731

You deserved it 6 607

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 590

You deserved it 27 793

By hairy - 30/09/2013 21:59 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 331

You deserved it 3 813

By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 15:03 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 717

You deserved it 1 574

Wrong, just wrong

By Anonymous - 02/07/2017 10:00 - China - Chengdu

Spicy

Today, while licking maple syrup off my wife during foreplay, I probably shouldn't have referred to her breasts as pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 654

You deserved it 7 159

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 05:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 761

You deserved it 4 937

By Hot Pants - 01/12/2011 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 366

You deserved it 5 788

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 361

You deserved it 7 965

By Jill Shanks - 01/09/2010 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 673

You deserved it 4 305

By lonesome - 28/04/2013 05:23 - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 503

You deserved it 3 413

By Noname - 27/01/2009 19:42 - Ireland

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 871

You deserved it 3 164

By Sleep Deprived - 25/12/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 128

You deserved it 3 786

By failure - 02/11/2014 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 727

You deserved it 3 666

By mydaughterisdisturbed - 12/08/2013 00:58 - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 5 823

By TecheyTim - 01/04/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 11 501

By babyblues - 20/11/2012 19:45 - United States - Woodhaven

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 854

You deserved it 30 886

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 808

You deserved it 12 655

By whiteycan'tgetitrightey - 24/02/2015 23:13 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 938

You deserved it 4 913

By Anonymous - 14/07/2014 23:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 759

You deserved it 3 838

By rutho - 27/03/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 878

You deserved it 208 549

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Spicy

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 40 361

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 538

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 26 March 2019 17:05

How disrespectful! You should get to pick the guy! Make sure you belittle and humiliate your cuckold husband at every turn.

Mungolikecandy 19

Tuesday 26 March 2019 18:17

Why do you want affection from some cuckold who wants to pimp you out?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 March 2019 17:05

How disrespectful! You should get to pick the guy! Make sure you belittle and humiliate your cuckold husband at every turn.

Mungolikecandy 19

Tuesday 26 March 2019 18:17

Why do you want affection from some cuckold who wants to pimp you out?

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 March 2019 18:27

Porn is real, I thought it was all fantasy.

childlessmother 16

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Tuesday 26 March 2019 19:47

Good for you! That could lead to more problems down the road

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 March 2019 21:46

مساء الدياثة

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Tuesday 26 March 2019 22:11

I normally don't advise divorce, but you should strongly consider it.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 26 March 2019 23:05

If you can't fuck the cuck, you're shit outta luck.

jbuckets_404 38

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Tuesday 26 March 2019 23:28

Good for him! He's only negatively affecting himself - not you - with that childish behavior. If you don't already have an "adult toy buddy," get one to loudly show off in front of him.... Enjoy the quiet and also getting to decide out loud what YOU want for dinner, to gossip about/ discuss (one-sided), etc. (I LOVE tormenting my giving-me-the-silent-treatment-next-door-apt neighbor like that as we both head down the stairs. Lol!) Just send him a selfie of you & your choice from shoulders up afterwards. (It can just be a pose with a hunk that you see out in public - just BEFORE you both "supposedly" hit that proverbial motel room.)

Traveling_Book 9

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Wednesday 27 March 2019 1:45

Or, and I know this is a crazy thought, sit down and tell the husband that they aren’t into that and try to find a solution like adults? Childishness and petty behavior only causes more problems.

Dave_Davington 33

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Wednesday 27 March 2019 2:12

Usually, husbands have the exact opposite problem.

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 March 2019 11:37

Tell him you're willing to watch while he has sex with random men. And when he says he's not into guys, tell him "I am not either, I'm into you. You alone."

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 100

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 36