By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 23:01

Sounds reasonable

  Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML
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  MN_girl21  |  7

Or she should respect his wishes, not have kids with him, and if she truly wants kids get a divorce and find someone that does. It’s something they should have discussed before but that doesn’t make his wishes more important than hers.

By  rudico67  |  4

He's not wrong. Plus, you could always adopt an older child.

  bl3ur0z3  |  17

Actually, you can revisit the subject. It is something people tend to want later rather than sooner. But if he's saying never ever, then she needs to move on.

By  bl3ur0z3  |  17

Is he saying never ever? Or not right now, maybe when you're financially stable, careers are on the track you want them on, etc.? If you want different things in life, get divorced and move on, find somebody who wants the same things you do. This conversation usually happens before marriage.

By  Chazzster  |  20

It would be very selfish to try to have a child if your husband has specifically said he doesn’t want children. But as others have said, does your husband mean “never” or “not now”. There is a big difference in those. I have to say that deciding to have a child in the middle of a pandemic that could last another year is not a smart or safe thing to do. Have you thought about what could happen if you caught COVID while you were pregnant? It’s not a good idea right now. The Spanish Flu pandemic lasted 1-2 years and there is no guarantee that COVID won’t do the same.

Normally the children verses no children conversation takes place before marriage because it’s an important issue for many people. Of course some times people’s opinions and attitudes evolve over time. I can guarantee that having a child will not improve the relationship between husband and wife. I am a father and I am glad I had a child - but that was a mutual choice. While a wanted child can be wonderful, children are stressors on a relationship.

(1) Now is not the time to have a child during an out of control pandemic. Wait a year or more.

(2) Do not try to slip an “accidental” pregnancy in - That is what your husband is worried about. It will make everything worse if you do that because he will know that it was no accident. And he will never forgive or forget.

(3) If having a child is make or break for the two of you and you simply cannot agree on it, get divorced and move on to a man who wants children. In the long run it will be better for you both if it really is a subject you cannot agree on and is important to both of you.

By  JackFaire  |  27

Just to point this out but people change. I know couples who discussed having kids before they got married. Both wanted kids. They got married and then when kids went from an abstract "that would be nice" to "let's have a kid now" it hit them in a way that made them realize "oh wait I don't want kids"

Him saying he doesn't want kids now doesn't mean they didn't have the conversation or even that he never wanted kids. It just means he doesn't want them now. If she does then they need to get divorced and find other people.