By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Norden

Work together!

Today, our cats got in a serious fight about the rights to some prime mousing territory. The territory in question? Our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

556

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

BO Central

Parental guilt

By Never Again - United States - Riverhead

Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12282

You deserved it

4181

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2065

You deserved it

469

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By WAPmeBaby - 25/8/2020 20:02 - United States

Anthony Fantano over here

Today, I'm driving with to Vancouver with my aunt. It's been four hours and she still hasn't gotten tired of her lone Nickelback CD yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1261

You deserved it

202

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By Danno - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24806

You deserved it

7364

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By - 6/2/2020 18:00

Yes or No?

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2760

You deserved it

290

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By DamnDogs - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23405

You deserved it

4037

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By sweetjulie

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1331

You deserved it

263

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a car on the side on the highway with a popped tire. The driver didn't have a spare, so I nicely gave them mine. One hour later my tire popped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40727

You deserved it

8028

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By Good morning to you all

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3713

You deserved it

387

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By staticman101 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9439

You deserved it

33917

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Mr Sensitivity

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2275

You deserved it

201

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By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

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24313

You deserved it

4434

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By Djcc - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31876

You deserved it

7073

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By Anonymous - United States - El Paso

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20498

You deserved it

48134

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By angry - Australia

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36390

You deserved it

5926

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By tahneee

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1645

You deserved it

203

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By Grad Student

Today, I found out that I have to take a weekly workshop outside of class time all semester, and it's only offered on the day I have the most work hours. I barely make ends meet as it is, but the professor said to figure it out or fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4759

You deserved it

310

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By Anonymous - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36255

You deserved it

4287

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By Beewwwbs - Australia - Wembley

Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E breasts took that to mean swell up a size, become heavy as lead, be so sore I can't move without a bra on, and stiffen my neck and back muscles so badly I thought I had an ear infection. This will last "a few weeks to months". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2657

You deserved it

240

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By hippie88 - United States - New York

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

Today, I figured out why I've used triple the amount of cellphone minutes than I usually do over the past month since moving out. Is it because I suddenly have a social life now that I'm living on my own? No. All those calls were made to my mom because I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1250

You deserved it

297

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By thatoneperson - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

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27334

You deserved it

5882

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By Poopsie

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2948

You deserved it

378

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By Stevie - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33686

You deserved it

3849

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By heartless - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25459

You deserved it

2494

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By sillygoose - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8174

You deserved it

44155

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By freezingggg - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29089

You deserved it

3683

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:00 - Germany - Bayreuth

Amazon Prime

Today, I ordered an iPad to replace a broken tablet in a haste. I managed to order one of the only ones that doesn't support an Apple pencil. This is exactly the only feature I SERIOUSLY need. Can one be more stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks

271

You deserved it

896

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By blackcarnation - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39734

You deserved it

3734

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30320

You deserved it

2768

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By problems - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39395

You deserved it

3034

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By oww - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8212

You deserved it

38160

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By Steve

Today, I helped my girlfriend pick out a pretty dress for a corporate event. It turns out the first use it was going to see was a date with her side dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5196

You deserved it

360

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45209

You deserved it

3257

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36248

You deserved it

2280

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By anonymous - United States

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36524

You deserved it

12858

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By shrek - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13328

You deserved it

2037

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By maybe time to adopt

Oops.

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6589

You deserved it

1022

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By youwouldbeacat - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17721

You deserved it

53400

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By Nick - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25404

You deserved it

21608

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

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50477

You deserved it

8112

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Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7956891 - Wednesday 9 December 2020 5:04

You understand Cat Language? Are you willing to teach others?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7956892 - Wednesday 9 December 2020 5:10

At least they want to keep the mice from your hice. Er, house.

COMMENTS

By tounces7 | 27

#7956891 - Wednesday 9 December 2020 5:04

You understand Cat Language? Are you willing to teach others?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7956892 - Wednesday 9 December 2020 5:10

At least they want to keep the mice from your hice. Er, house.