Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML
Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with my dog. Right as I hit the button, he sneezed on my face. Now I have an unexpected "glamour shot" that captures him mid-sneeze and me looking horrified, and I'm somehow still tempted to post it. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Kamon97 23
Why do you have to trust this dog with your life? Unless it's a seeing eye dog or something.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
like you've never ran into a glass door
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
xkwr47 1
If its muscles are so strong it knocks itself out via involuntary action imagine what it can do intentionally.
cometkeeper00 3
knock itself out again? quicker?
glabberfasted 16
I think they mean to a person... My dog is ridiculously strong, but I don't think she knows it. She could literally take one of our hands off with her jaw, but she'll let go immediately if we say "ow" when playing with her.
OBTrice 15
He probably blazed it too much
SunTzu2 9
And I feel like knocking you out!!
slyde32 12
that seems a bit excessive, why do you want to knock this person out?
SunTzu2 9
Lol, because he's obviously not in need of a blind dog as reading and writing fml's isn't a problem. Obviously very self centered and only sympathy for himself but at the same time scared for his life... Add it all up
cometkeeper00 3
Text to talk...hearing sneeze/bang/no more dog noises. add that all up.
Enslaved 38
Why are you calling your dog an "it"? Don't you know their gender yet?
cometkeeper00 3
Please see responses to #20 and please feel free to ask this question 2 to 3 more times.
hurryHM 10
make him wear a fools cap
vikky538 29
so.e things hit so hard in life...some times it applies to dogs too..
abusch 9
Yeah, stupid dog, I'd demand all its wages back. Oh, wait..
imreallyhighdude 6
Did he die?
profligatesoul 18
Time to get a new dog then huh? Wait a minute. If it's a seeing eye dog then how did you write this FML?
mybubbles2000 13
I'm concerned for the dog. Is it okay?