Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
Today, we got a dog. My husband was adamant that we should name him Gonit, so I agreed. A friend asked what the name meant, and my husband said, "Why wouldn't you name a dog Gonit?" Then I got it. FML
Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaimed, "That was amazing Drew." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name, which doesn't sound anything like Drew. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML
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Top comments
lickastick 27
Doesn't matter, had sex
Emmamazing 26
At least your girlfriend has a good sense of humour about it, OP.
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Comments (61)
worldclassrager 41
On duh le!
heartofhannah 28
Andale**
worldclassrager 41
Thank you
Hop6e 22
Least she didn't name it Princess Sophia
abNormal62 23
The fastest penis in all of Mexico! Just tell her it's ready to please again in no time at all!
arrowgold 19
Your girlfriend is hilariously but brutally honest. Don't worry the more sex you have the better it is.
rileyrae0000 23
Yeah hopefully OP will be able to last longer, but not TOO long where it starts to get painful and uninteresting
Hunkapoo 19
not sure if OP recently just started being sexually active, but if so it's normal. I was my boyfriends first and it took time for him to last longer and longer. so keep practicing and soon she'll have to find another name.
greeneyedx 23
I had the complete opposite experience with my boyfriend, and I was his first too! Lol
whassallt26 13
Name her ****** 'The dude', because it's loose
ChristinePi 36
That's quite an assumption to make. Bad day?
trey600rr 22
I think "boner garage" is a more suitable nickname!
mynameischarles 13
Today, I found out my girlfriend has a great sense of humor. FML.
alfalfalaffa 17
What a premature comment of hers...
WarMachine68 24
True love.
RedPillSucks 33
pop one off about 15 min before and you'll last longer. also you can do some foreplay to get her close to the edge before you start