Tim Scotten
🌶️ Spicy
Call me by my name
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Gloucester, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
First time
Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
nicknack22
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Anonymous
Saint Paul, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Repetition
Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML
Charles
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML
I'll Make You FartCum
San Francisco, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Great handle!
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML
WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner
Arlington, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Effective
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
idiot says pussy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
sadguy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Comeback
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Mr Eek
🌶️ Spicy
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Top comments
Levi2411 41
See now, if you called her pancake ******* though, she'd probably blow a gasket.
bound101 7
This FML makes me hungry.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
Bogrbon 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Least it’s not Mr. Richard Pencil (IE pencil Dick). =D
bound101 7
fml seemed you a rule breaker for that comment, lmao!
bound101 7
This FML makes me hungry.
Fata Morgana 1029 9
This actually really isn't cool. It's not okay for a partner to make fun of your body this way. Hell, in any way. I think it's already time for your girlfriend to become you ex.
tido26 18
Let's not jump to that instantly. Obviously, a lot depends on context, but I've been with men that are larger than average and make a joke about "needing a microscope to find it" in a VERY sarcastic manner; it would be akin to telling a woman that is a DD that her chest is as flat as a teenage boys
Levi2411 41
See now, if you called her pancake ******* though, she'd probably blow a gasket.
Sadgurl64 10
Sounds like its time for a new girlfriend, one that respects you tho.