Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his...

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 038

You deserved it 4 863

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Same thing different taste

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 319

You deserved it 7 649

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 863

You deserved it 11 030

Never trust the messenger

By Teamarie - 11/08/2009 15:21 - United States

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 154

You deserved it 21 001

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 503

You deserved it 3 087

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 159

Teenage PDA warning

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 691

You deserved it 6 822

By orgasmicriding - 22/12/2012 22:55 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 261

You deserved it 7 006

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 146

You deserved it 2 673

Creepy but funny

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 859

You deserved it 3 106

Get on with it

By deflated - 09/08/2009 16:54 - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 823

You deserved it 59 770

sawdy 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

You don't get to drive, he doesn't get to keep his daughter a virgin... seems simple enough

Scott_George 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

that has always been my greatest nightmare...

Comments

wowfmlife 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:06

haahahhaha FYL dude

murlocholmes 5

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:14

that rat bastard! wanna drive my 1969 Camaro to make up for it?

Scott_George 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

that has always been my greatest nightmare...

sawdy 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

You don't get to drive, he doesn't get to keep his daughter a virgin... seems simple enough

caretoshare 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:08

FYL! you fell for that trick. :P

fufubunny 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:10

I agree with #3... it's all about compromise!

Thassodar 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:11

Why ********** when his daughter is right there? LOGIC, PEOPLE. Women > Masturbation* *Unless you're masturbating with bacon grease.

mlipro 0

Monday 1 March 2010 5:43

It could be the same depending on the size of the girl.

Leftieswillrule 3

Tuesday 5 October 2010 20:52

#116 epic!

Ugi 26

Wednesday 2 January 2013 18:36

I agree #6, but I think in this case only one woman was on offer....

darkmis1 17

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:13

Wow that sux-but if he didn't keep his part of the deal, u don't have to keep urs.

WhiteDelight 4

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:14

did he give you a demonstration on masturbating to better illustrate his ideals?

MrMischevous 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:15

Boff his daughter, then tell him that you decided to "drive the car instead of sitting in the passenger seat."

KwitIt 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:17

Haha, this is totally something my dad would do. Your girlfriend must be so embarrassed, if you told her.

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The Top

Today, I found out the guy I consider my best friend has had a girlfriend for the past year, and they have been living together for the past 7 months. He and I have been having unprotected sex for the past 4 and a half years, and have even talked about having kids together. I only found out because I'll be their new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 674

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 711

You deserved it 3 248

The Top

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 719

You deserved it 2 841

Today, I was told by a doctor that I have a fatal disease, and that I should start making preparations for when I pass away. Then, another doctor showed up, panicking, and said that was meant for someone else with the same first name as me. The mini-heart attack I had at that moment almost killed me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 94

Today, I fucked up by clicking on my ex's new partner's stories while deep-diving into their Instagram. Now they know I'm still lurking in the shadows of their social media because they can see who viewed their stories, and I can feel the judgment radiating through the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 810

Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 531

You deserved it 3 164

Today, I woke up with my back super sore. I couldn’t get out of my bed without crying and great difficulty. The last time my chronic pain was like this it went on for three months and I could barely move. It was absolutely awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 70

Today, I finished a website that I have been working on for ages for a friend. He tried to repay me by offering to teach me to play table tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 703

You deserved it 4 219

Same thing different taste

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