Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
jared76_fml 11
Is there even a problem here? Quit complaint and please your girlfriend you idiot
dreadlocmask 15
You're screwed
VeganDarkLight 31
I know this FML is old, but all these YDIs and rude comments sicken me. Who says he isn't trying to make her cum? Some women just have problems reaching an ****** under some circumstances. I've had really good sex which I enjoyed, but even when my ex (who really knew what he was doing) licked me for half an hour I just couldn't cum. I'm capable of reaching an ****** on my own (though not even with vibrators), but it's really difficult and I would never expect, let alone force a sexpartner of mine to make me cum. In fact, they were all more keen on it than me. So please all stop jumping to conclusions, just because a man can't make a women cum doesn't mean he's bad in bed.
bassfisher100 23
she has to bribe you for that? FHL
Ruskiy_Cherep 18
Rumour has it, OP has resorted to buyin a new car
Dr_Awesome654 24
That's the opposite of a problem!
Adyingpine 10
If the roles were reversed this would be much more controversial
jazlyn13 13
on one hand I'm sorry for him that his car keys got taken, one the other i feel bad for her for having to take such a drastic step
jbuckets_404 39
OP, I hope that you're a quick learner!
Xander_755252424 3
Why do u feel like y'all never made it to work?