Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML
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Top comments
drayloon 50
So you cheated on her with her? Oh ok that makes sense
Cheeley 17
Well lock the door in case she does.
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Comments (160)
ironichalibut 24
you should've said you could recognize her smell, and sense her presence because of your timeless love for her.
ironichalibut 24
Damm 8 beat me! Damm you slow Internet connection!
TheBrochure 22
*Damn
ironichalibut 24
He just swore! Da*m is a swear! :O
ironichalibut 24
Oh wait.. I messed that up.. Dam* is a swear..
poodle_juice 17
It seems as if you'd probably be better without her OP.
dRUMsKELETON 12
People need to stop making up these ridiculously illogical tests for their partners. Who else would be kissing you at that time?! The hooker you ordered to wake you up in the morning with a kiss? ...sure.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
I know, right? That is very asinine to op's girlfriend to leave him like that. It was just a mutual response out of love. a kiss is a kiss.
Ki11erC 18
Yea, the hooker I order for a morning kiss is always late, usually lunch time by the time she gets her lazy ass over.
fordneagles 34
Good thing she left, you're clearly better off without that crazy in your life.
CrissyyyS2 22
I guess you can never win.
SirTalkaton 22
Uh dude, run. Just run. She sounds like a ball of crazy with a side of psycho.
mr_sarcastic416 29
#21 no need for op to fun, it seems like the crazy one already left
KLeePrice 11
31-The psycho ones tend to return and act as if nothing ever happened.
UnluckyGenius 21
You should have tried saying her natural odor gave her away.
UnluckyGenius 21
I was referring to all the FMLs where the boyfriend/husband have put deodorant on their girlfriend or wife.
Jharrist89 12
See its bitches like your ex that make men crazy! Can I get an Amen!?
Voij 16
Apparently, you can't. Who'da thought that immediately using the term "bitches" does not make people agree with you, huh?
MiscHats 14
no. you can, however, hang your head in shame.
Jharrist89 12
Oh my bad, I should have used bipolar, with mentality issues because that's politically correct. Smh.
frank999999999 4
hohohoh
knel498 5
amen
Jharrist89 12
Ha, thanks lol! ^^
squideth 18
Yeah cuz men are totally exempt from being crazy, amiright? Durr hurr sexist generalizations are so cool!
frank999999999 4
hahaha
Jharrist89 12
Ohhhhhh no... It happens according to his ex lol.
ltaper11 20
You should have said I read your lips like Braille I knew it was you before I opened my eyes
B0nb0N09 12
Barf
jem970 19
Hahahahahahaha! I am having a real immature moment because the barf made me crack up laughing. The comment was romantic tho.