Love: Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made...

By shoggoth_wild - 27/02/2015 14:13 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 890

You deserved it 3 494

Love

Good kid

Leave us alone

All over

Priorities

By Haddy - 17/01/2022 14:01

Today, my daughter would rather make payments on a payment plan for a $2000 Gucci purse, yet she refuses to move out and get a place on her own, or chip in for rent. She’s 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 278

By blinkanimgone - 01/09/2010 11:08 - Australia

Today, I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. All went well until the machine went to return my red blood cells. It turns out the nurse sliced my vein and the blood built up in my tissues. I now have a massive swollen arm and bruising, and look like a junkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 373

You deserved it 2 625

By NotAnUglyBaby - 22/03/2016 22:40 - Mexico - C?rdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 286

You deserved it 1 899

Everybody want to drool the world

By slapstick1982 - 10/09/2021 08:01

Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 1 032

Experts, schmexperts

By Kitkat - 02/05/2020 14:00

Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 105

By Freechbear - 17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 075

You deserved it 2 781

By christacat - 28/09/2016 10:24 - United States - Delaware

Today, I have a speech impediment that's recently become more noticeable. My entire family has decided that the best way to go about handling it is to mock me whenever I try to say something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 921

By right - 02/08/2013 14:08 - United Kingdom - Weymouth

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 519

You deserved it 8 198

IDANÄS IVAR d'you go?

By Nicole - 03/04/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 007

You deserved it 12 954

By Greig - 22/05/2011 12:18 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 906

You deserved it 3 772

By Thanks a lot - 23/10/2015 01:27 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 229

You deserved it 2 001

By awkwardbf - 09/09/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 766

You deserved it 4 815

By ithappenswhenithappens - 03/07/2017 04:25 - United States - Gresham

Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 953

You deserved it 628

By 360whoroscoped - 16/01/2015 18:05 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 3 102

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 430

You deserved it 60 521

By westwoodcosmo - 27/01/2016 22:35 - United States - Mesa

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 271

You deserved it 3 588

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 161

You deserved it 6 866

By annoying - 10/01/2012 01:30 - United States

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 153

You deserved it 22 519

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 731

You deserved it 34 326

By Anonymous - 29/08/2017 16:00

Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 329

You deserved it 1 062

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 862

You deserved it 5 327

Smash the Patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 209

By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 630

You deserved it 10 721

By Kylie - 26/01/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 969

You deserved it 28 582

By wow - 02/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 034

You deserved it 5 215

Miserable

By Éponine - 12/06/2020 17:03

Today, as an aspiring performer, I tried to practice crying on demand by singing "A Little Fall of Rain" and "On My Own" from Les Misérables. It was all going well, until my nose started running uncontrollably and no tears actually came out of my eyes. Maybe acting isn't for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 240

By lilzoot - 08/02/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 479

You deserved it 41 899

Sink-dodger alert!

By penpendesrapen - 11/03/2010 00:40 - Philippines

Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 322

You deserved it 2 484

By Brock - 02/02/2013 21:20 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 430

You deserved it 38 910

Smart kid

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 21:59

Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 93

By greasyhair - 07/09/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 918

You deserved it 47 288

By blondie101 - 09/12/2011 06:11 - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 98 999

By Distracted - 09/04/2015 20:11 - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 434

You deserved it 41 882

By Bestbirthday - 12/07/2016 01:04 - United States - Bastrop

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 109

You deserved it 836

By AlwaysRejected - 10/12/2015 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my so-called "friends" on my Skype group chat have another group chat that contains everyone but me. Apparently, they made it so I would not "disturb" their conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 764

You deserved it 2 592

By katybaby - 09/12/2010 17:15 - United States

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 11 656

By Shep - 31/08/2018 13:00

Today, while sleeping as soundly as I could on a plastic mattress, the night shift nurse in the psych ward woke me up in the middle of the night so that I could take my sleeping pill, which was prescribed as "if needed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 176

Dude…

By Nothanksimdone - 09/07/2021 15:59

Today, I received a new like on a dating site… from my extremely creepy second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 73

By michellekel - 04/07/2009 12:10 - France

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 543

You deserved it 6 930

By realitybites - 08/07/2013 17:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 915

You deserved it 7 292

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

ChanceBell 13

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:23

All that matters is that your girlfriend wants to be with you, regardless what her mother thinks. That's true love right there!

MannyM 20

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:24

hey man at least she chose you over her mothers wish

Oceanu 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:22

At least she didn't make her dad cry about her dating you.

Steve95401 49

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:23

Her dad getting out a gun or baseball bat would have been a lot worse.

WavRace 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:39

I think her dad would make OP cry

Oceanu 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 19:17

Why did this get so many negative votes? It's funny unlike the other two top comments.

swash984 22

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 19:37

#1 funny to you maybe? I thought what you said wasn't funny.

WavRace 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 19:39

Stop whining #21

Oceanu 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 19:44

You sir/ma'am have no sense of humor whatsoever. You probably sit at home all day wondering what "laughing" is while watching a comedy.

Oceanu 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 19:46

If you looked harder you would notice I'm #1 but I commented on my own post. Are you fucking blinded by your own stupidity?

Pleonasm 35

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 19:50

Oh dear.

Jason89 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 20:04

stfu already

Oceanu 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 20:12

Who asked you? Get your fucking busybody head out of my business you fucktard.

5secondsofvvifi 21

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2015 1:34

A comment on FML doesn't have to be funny, and most of the attempts to be funny get downvotes anyways. Oh well, it's a comment on something where nobody knows who you are and it got downvotes.

doge71 8

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2015 18:14

I thought it was funny.

ChanceBell 13

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:23

All that matters is that your girlfriend wants to be with you, regardless what her mother thinks. That's true love right there!

garrett_8614 14

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 21:49

Maybe I'm weird, but I'm wondering who the hell just has a conversation about times they made their mothers cry?

StantheMan93 12

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:24

Well hopefully your mom didn't cry as well when you told her about dating your girlfriend.

MannyM 20

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:24

hey man at least she chose you over her mothers wish

Nameless_Fellow 11

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:24

That is the perfect moment to kiss her.

1dvs_bstd 41

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 22:33

Because she didn't listen to her mother? I feel you. I don't know why you got thumbed down.

ihartmytdi 23

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:26

Tears of joy?... No, probably not.. Sorry OP! :P

Googolman 29

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:26

What kind of topic of conversation is that, anyway

openminded8 17

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:28

Hahaha, that's a witty one you have there! keeper :)

Brandi_Faith 33

Send a private message

Saturday 28 February 2015 6:54

Ya, it sounds to me like she was joking and made a funny comment. If she was serious then I'm a little surprised the mom cried. Being upset or mad maybe, but crying? And crying over "considering" dating you? I wonder what her reason for that was? Hopefully your girlfriend was just joking anyways.

JuliaaNoelle 26

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 18:28

Depending on how long you guys have known each other, how long you guys have been dating, and how long you guys will be together, her mother may warm up to you more! Try to talk to her, maybe take her out to lunch, and stay positive OP :)

AnthraxPrincess 18

Send a private message

Friday 27 February 2015 20:17

I was going to say the same thing. The first time my (now) boyfriend came over my mother saw him walking up the lane, looked at me and said "you better not be dating him" he looked like a typical punk. Dreadlocks and eyeliner and black nail polish. But once she got to know him she really liked him, and now thinks he's the greatest thing. I'm sure everything will work out for OP too. She did say that was before you started dating, so she may have changed her mind already, and regardless, you still have the girl (: