Love: Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a... - FML

By lovingpsychosis - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

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BO Central

Caught red-handed

Grow up

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

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By lonelyguy - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

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By washed - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

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By msjustine - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

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By ishweta56 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

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By Taylor - United States - Eastchester

Today, I shaved my legs for the first time in three weeks. It took half an hour, three disposable razors, and I cut my legs up so badly they look worse then they did when they were hairy. FML

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By GeorgiaBOYY - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and with no bra or shirt on in a random guy's bed. Welcome to spring break, ladies and gentleman. FML

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By Maggie - Canada

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

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By depressedpreggo - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

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By Teddy - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class, when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 14:09

Get off my lawn!

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a rehearsal for a musical I'm in. I've worked my arse off to get the songs I sing in place and sounding good. Unfortunately, my coworkers haven't. Now the director wants to cut the songs I'm in because, "the people you're working with make you look shit." FML

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By victoria - 4/4/2021 21:30

It's a wrap

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

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By sn-511 - Italy - Naples

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

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By peachezthelette - 12/4/2021 20:00

Health? Care? Never

Today, my job threatened to fire me because I left work early. I left because I can't sit, stand, lay down or walk due to back pain. I went to my doctor after leaving work and turns out I have a herniated disc. My job still doesn't care, and my job is now in jeopardy. FML

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By Annoyed

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

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By Rai - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

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By whymyliferose - United States

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

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By Emyka - Austria

Today, at my job of 2 months, I'd taken it upon myself to water the plants around the office every day since they all looked a little sad. My boss then asked why so many of the fake plants were getting mouldy. My co-workers had watched me water plastic plants for 2 months and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

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By Beantown girl - United States

Today, I was using my boyfriend's phone to call my mom. A text message arrived from "Christina" that said, "Just put the kids to bed, come over." He swears they're only work buddies, but refuses to tell her he has a girlfriend, to avoid making things weird at work. We've been together two years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

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By kermudgen - United States

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

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By Colby - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 14:02

Awkward

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

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By shaggyberaddy

Christmas Chaos

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

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By Latina - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

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By jdot747 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

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By Patricia - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

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By Sorry - Canada

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

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Top comments

By thatnucca | 36

#2567808 - Thursday 26 May 2011 15:56

You do! If she's a therapist, then it's a win-win situation for both parties...

By Alex94xela | 0

#2567842 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:01

show her a vid of u 2 getting it on

COMMENTS

By thatnucca | 36

#2567808 - Thursday 26 May 2011 15:56

You do! If she's a therapist, then it's a win-win situation for both parties...

Reply

sexysterlingarch | 1

#2568053 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:35

haha that's awesome

Reply

Mitcha857 | 0

#2568140 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:51

damn sterling you get hated on for no reason!

ok OP do you have a picture to prove you mother wrong? and if you do tell her she needs to be the one seeing a therapist

Reply

sexysterlingarch | 1

#2568262 - Thursday 26 May 2011 17:19

22 yea I kno my comments always get thumbs down but I don't really care because I'm just saying what I want..

Reply

TurnpikeTwister | 0

#2568594 - Thursday 26 May 2011 18:40

Just take them out to dinner so they can actually meet; if your mother is crazy / a bitch it's definitely better to use a neutral locale, otherwise I'd say have her over...

Reply

nivekcizia123 | 0

#2571976 - Friday 27 May 2011 5:15

Lol i dont get it? ;)

Reply

bagginzy | 14

#2572307 - Friday 27 May 2011 6:39

At least it wasn't, "she was right; I don't have a girlfriend"

By CasualZombie | 6

#2567812 - Thursday 26 May 2011 15:57

sure, you keep telling yourself that.

Reply

ILoveTabz | 0

#2569009 - Thursday 26 May 2011 20:18

I have been reminded of spongebob

Reply

aurynforever | 11

#2571398 - Friday 27 May 2011 3:17

what's a spongebob?

Reply

landonlasater | 3

#2572153 - Friday 27 May 2011 5:59

46- now you're going to say what's a childhood

By TheDrummingResul | 0

#2567827 - Thursday 26 May 2011 15:59

what a bitch.

By TheDrummingResul | 0

#2567830 - Thursday 26 May 2011 15:59

what a bitch.

Reply

Leatherandlace | 0

#2568643 - Thursday 26 May 2011 18:54

Redundant

By Alex94xela | 0

#2567842 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:01

show her a vid of u 2 getting it on

Reply

HyVriD | 5

#2567939 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:15

You're a wise man son

Reply

MrSexyPants | 14

#2567959 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:17

How would she know the lady isn't a hooker?

By ColorfulDonut | 7

#2567857 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:02

I'm sure you do. know let's go see that therapist, ok?

Reply

starwind3438 | 9

#2568100 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:44

Now let's go take you to an English teacher.

Reply

Captainipples | 0

#2569672 - Thursday 26 May 2011 23:25

Ha.

Reply

YacL | 15

#2573784 - Friday 27 May 2011 15:36

Ha.

Reply

DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#2574188 - Friday 27 May 2011 18:25

Ha.

Reply

joblessalex | 0

#2577755 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:40

lame. combo breaker!

Reply

DelilahV | 0

#3126515 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 16:21

I'm gonna just go ahead and say "Ha."

Ha! Attack is super effective!

By ImInABox | 6

#2567882 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:06

Huzzah!

By hockeyrocks39 | 0

#2567911 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:10

Sounds like you might need a therapist because of your dysfunctional mother.

By YayorNay | 8

#2567923 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:13

Bring home your girlfriend's panties for proof.

By khaya | 9

#2567979 - Thursday 26 May 2011 16:21

I have one to, "Stop struggling, Diane. Shoot, late for my therapist appointment. Now don't struggle too much or the handcuffs will cut you wrists."