Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled...

By youngsamoo92 - 07/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 626

You deserved it 2 992

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Same thing different taste

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 934

You deserved it 23 799

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By PTKFML - 26/07/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 814

You deserved it 7 620

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 784

You deserved it 7 460

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 969

You deserved it 5 604

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 167

You deserved it 11 465

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 1 903

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

By Anonymous - 29/01/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 292

You deserved it 18 974

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Comments

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Costales_fml 7

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:10

I don't see the problem here. I suggest you marry her before it's too late.

NicH1799 20

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:25

I marked you deserve it, because everyone deserves cookies.

bsshooter 14

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:22

agreed number 5

TexasGirl24 15

Monday 12 December 2016 6:18

Me too XD

Seeya55 31

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:31

This is something I'd share too! Don't want to forget a great plan in the heat of the moment!

Yudith_fml 6

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

Chips Ahoy... (Homer drooling).

tibtak_fml 10

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

YDI but in a good way ;)

Frabens 1

Sunday 11 December 2016 16:34

You came for a different reason reason other than sex ;)

HighasaCloud 46

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

That's the joke (fml)

udderbutter 15

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:36

Are you 12?

TiggyBonkers 32

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

Isn't this a meme?

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Monday 12 December 2016 18:48

Yes, it's the nut button meme. Was thinking the same thing.

moocowmilk0 19

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:28

I don't see what the problem is she sounds perfect

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 275

You deserved it 3 577

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 390

The Top

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 539

You deserved it 4 619

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 153

You deserved it 5 978

Today, while I was wearing a blue coat, a coworker asked me what color my coat was. Confused, I said, “...blue?” He and my other coworkers burst out screaming with laughter. Turns out he didn’t say ‘coat’ but ‘poop’. I work with a bunch of five year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 102

Today, it's been a week since I got a gastric balloon to help me lose weight. On the plus side, I've lost 5kg. On the downside, it's been one week of vomiting, diarrhea, not being able to eat solid food, and stomach cramps so painful that it feels like I'm constantly being stabbed. 15 weeks to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 274

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 353

You deserved it 2 439

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 720

You deserved it 663

Same thing different taste

Fast and Furious

Smooth talker

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