Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML
Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
FacePalm69 0
69 hahahahah
ohhboyy 0
i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P
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Comments (74)
Obama_1 0
I like her.
maverick21703 0
You should have told her a story. Something along the lines of: Once upon a time there was a charming, devilishly handsome prince who was dating a girl named (enter her name here). One day she decided to make a lame joke and the prince decided they had, had a good run but it was time for him to find someone new. ;p P.S: say it in a joking tone and make sure she knows you are kidding.
silentfirefly 0
Joking...? Chill. I wouldn't say this really merits an FML.
emeekins 0
hahahaa good stuff.
justjayit 0
Well, I often ask my boyfriend to talk about whatever because his voice is soothing. It could've been a compliment.
Exhumed91 0
This wasn't a very funny one...plus she could have been joking, probably was
Truce25 0
what a bitch
yesbutnotyou 0
don't be offended. maybe you have a boring delivery. maybe you really do have a boring job. or maybe she was kidding. either way, don't get your knickers in a twist.
yanarach 0
hopefully she was joking! I love hearing my boyfriend's stories. They're a rare occasion, cause normally he says he'd rather listen to me, but they're always so interesting!!
Roddsy 0
lol...? if it wasnt said in a bitchy/mean way then you'r'e fine. some girls say things like that a lot. even guys do it too. i dont really see the problem unless it was bitchy/mean. ;p