Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML
Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
FacePalm69 0
69 hahahahah
ohhboyy 0
i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P
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Comments (74)
ecilart 0
lol sounds like my roommate
bonare0607 0
Maybe she just meant that when you tell her about your day, it eases her mind.
MaiLouIsLegend 0
haahh ouch. Story time :]]
yakslap 0
what #23 said, the same happends with my boyfriend, if im stressed or cant sleep, i ask him to just talk, doesnt matter about what, because his voice relaxes me. Not a FML. Unless she said it in a rude tone.
ellebell 0
maybe she just thinks your voice is soothing....
sprene 0
Haha, I normally put my girlfriend to sleep if I talk about my day for more than a minute or two. If that doesn't work, I talk about some game or math thing. Works like a charm!
Slinky_fml 0
You know I'm pretty sure she was joking. Its possible she's just a bitch, in which case, dump her I guess, but I say stuff like that to people all the time and I'm always kidding.
Freudian_Slip 0
I think that's kinda cute actually.
Gringo_fml 0
#21.... But she didn't 0_0
perussian 0
my boyfriend asks me to sing or just tell him a story when he's taking a nap. he says it relaxes him and makes him feel loved. sooo chill! =]