Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML
Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML
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Top comments
FacePalm69 0
69 hahahahah
ohhboyy 0
i think people should start a new trend. instead of saying "first" like an asshole, i think they should brag about being the 69th comment =P
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Comments (74)
xMooMoox 0
I hope she was kidding, if not leave her. WOOHOO I'M NUMBER 13!
turkishjew 0
no #12 is not #13
keyairia 0
lmao. that's funny.... if she was kidding. she probably was. if not... daaaaaang. someone's not very nice.
NowListenHereHo 0
Haha, shouldn't the story be the other way around?
orianam 0
lol, i'm sure she was kidding and it was just a teasing thing. if so, i thought it was rather cute
xMooMoox 0
Crap I was number 12! I was typing 12 and hit 13 instead and started to erase it and figured it was a sign! Lol I guess not. but now I will be both 12 and 13 lol! Edit: I'm number 16. That sign sucked :(
braFTW 0
She's a keeper! =D
Amkii 0
Huh. Usually it's the other way around...
Jasper_fml 0
lol. i like her.
mrcarmine 0
to be honest, i think that's absolutely adorable. no ****. i'd spoon with her and tell her about my day.
MrRecon72 0
That girl is ICE COLD! Look on the bright side though, she could have said sex.