Money: Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice...

By moodyreallyrocks - 01/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 181

You deserved it 2 865

Money

Vulture

Pants on fire

BIKES!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2018 20:30

Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 416

You deserved it 179

By InconsiderateMuch - 16/06/2013 18:11 - Canada - High River

Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 201

You deserved it 27 411

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 11:35 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 288

You deserved it 27 908

Get away from me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 473

You deserved it 7 156

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 5 545

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 18:07

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 036

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 03:01 - United States

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 207

You deserved it 23 543

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 05:13 - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 607

By footscratching - 28/01/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 485

You deserved it 4 460

By Shelby - 14/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 205

Family extension

By now what - 26/07/2020 05:01

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 685

You deserved it 181

By poked - 06/03/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 825

You deserved it 4 126

By aricababyy - 29/12/2016 05:09 - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 746

You deserved it 575

By dontrapeme - 26/09/2012 10:30 - United States

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 891

You deserved it 1 935

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 14:50 - United States

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my co-worker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she goes to the manager and accuses me of sexual harassment. Everyone applauded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 950

You deserved it 3 923

By well damn - 29/02/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 893

You deserved it 1 825

By Nofun - 29/08/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 959

You deserved it 5 551

Noise

By wide awake - 31/07/2020 14:01

Today, I'm spending the night at my family’s house. I have to share a room with my two kids and their mother. The three of them snore like warthogs in a zoo. Desperate for sleep, I went to go sleep on the couch. The dog sleeping on the rug snores like an old truck. I’m never going to get any sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 185

By stillhave2years - 22/05/2013 10:56 - United States

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 208

You deserved it 3 664

Stuck

By Anonymous - 02/05/2021 15:30 - Australia

Today, after my fiancé and I recently separated, their choice not mine, we decided to stay friends, and still live in the same house. Now I get the pleasure of listening to him flirt and have long conversations with some girl every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 867

By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/06/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 2 842

By goo - 10/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 595

You deserved it 1 101

By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 2 630

My alarm

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 14:00

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 220

By Whoops - 03/09/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 222

You deserved it 42 256

By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 370

You deserved it 3 264

By walnutbladder - 07/01/2011 21:46 - United States

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 759

You deserved it 4 062

By Herman - 25/02/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 845

You deserved it 5 793

Notice me please

By wut? - 04/05/2020 14:00

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 214

Territorial Pissings

By El Camino - 25/11/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 317

You deserved it 5 059

By leahkasscar - 03/05/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to clean the whole house as a surprise for my mother. When she came home, she screamed at me and called me a bitch because she had wanted to clean it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 963

You deserved it 358

By Idiocracy - 24/04/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 384

You deserved it 3 406

By ex-wife - 25/05/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 534

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 01/01/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 125

You deserved it 3 268

Body Positivity

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 04:03

Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 21/07/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 46 894

By -_-" - 11/01/2014 23:13 - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 141

You deserved it 9 016

By izzy - 15/05/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 222

You deserved it 436

By AbhorrentApplication - 28/04/2013 23:40 - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 38 830

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Top comments

mrbattleman 10

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:21

nice friend you've got there

Buttsexpirate 9

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:22

That's true friendship right there bro.

mrbattleman 10

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:21

nice friend you've got there

n_epic_fail 14

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:23

He invited you guys to a nice dinner and said thank you, now you want him to PAY?!! That's just about the craziest thing I've ever heard!

Sportsfan86 3

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:26

Have all of you guys take him out for dinner again another night as a guys night out, then when the cheque comes, all you guys go to the washroom and leave him and don't come back ;)

rawrkittyrawr 6

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:28

Well he did what he said he would do he took you guys out :D

bling87 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:46

at least you know where he lives (:

LiveLaughFML 10

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:47

F is for Friends who do stuff together :D

SCREAM4meeee 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:00

Maybe he just had extremely painful diarrhea?

hockey199813 5

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:07

Nice comment you got their

Feklfekl2222 32

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:17

I think this should be the "friends" FML Today, I lost all my friends that helped me out when I really needed them because I am an utter douchebag FML

nikChick447 6

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:28

wooow. wudda nice guy.

enonymous 8

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 0:14

This guy is a genius. I really mean it. He dine and dashed and got you to move his stuff into his apt which by the time you go to his place it will now be a 7-11

jonn090 13

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:04

he should bust a capnup his ass for doing that. Burn those gypsies

DJJuantioFresh 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:05

U is for you and me!

hahahahepicfail 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:33

135 - there us no U in friends

MyScrewedUpLifeS 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:45

cheque? fancy

CMichael 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:15

I've never heard of "check" being spelled "cheque" but alright.

13FTW 9

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:07

140, obviously you aren't a avid spongebob fun, which is fucking outrageous. That little yellow guy is a boss.

DarkScythe951 4

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 12:43

U is for uranium... BOMBS!

Pandakins12 0

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 4:38

U IS FOR YOU AND MEEEEEE :D

rcbarnes 24

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Saturday 18 February 2012 13:56

Just "borrow" one of his cards and charge stuff you want 'till you're even.

Lexigrimes 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:21

Ouch, looks like someone needs to go to the bathroom more offen. (;

thisisafunnyname 12

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:32

I think he had to go number two

tellithowitis 13

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:50

Or number 3

Blackmail111 9

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 1:19

Or even a number 42

BlacOpsMaximus 5

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 1:35

haha! I'm not sure what that means but you made me lolz ;D

mrosew442 10

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:37

126-that's because you mist understand the question before you can understand the answer

drlove78843 6

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:58

What is number three:)

GtDriver 6

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:04

1+2.

crosado531 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:29

You mean must

that1guyyy 12

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:21

Ask the other guys to pay?

Nanall 15

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:23

Or split the tab?

Sae_Ghelk 6

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:25

Or split some skulls.

flockz 19

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:30

or split THE RED SEA!

Llama_Face89 33

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:40

Split an atom?

MagicallyFat 12

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:55

Banana split?

anencephalic 14

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:58

You're all too half-hearted.

tylersign 11

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:13

I like girls who can do the splits?

HideouslyHuman 10

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:18

Divide by zero.

ThatOneCanadian 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 1:45

its comments like these that make me feel good about spending long periods of time on this website

flockz 19

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 2:18

you mean... there's life outside FML?

TheNewGuy03 28

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:23

Or you can just split. (Oh, wait -- that's what the other guy did.) |the kid|

TheNewGuy03 28

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 3:25

MOTHERFUCKING DOUBLE POST.

sierralovesyou 0

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 4:10

Hahaha you guys all just made my day (: thank you!

Sae_Ghelk 6

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:20

About time to split, eh? Buggers, didn't see someone posted that above me. It felt so perfect. -LeEdit-

beckybecks20 8

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:59

Anybody else notice #3's shirt? The dude in the yellow? o.o

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:21

You're welcome!

thisisafunnyname 12

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:27

Thats what friends are for

jonn090 13

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:28

Grammar baud should just leave

ChaeRi 3

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 7:06

Guess you have to wash dishes to pay it off, huh? Well no problem, Rihanna's here to help. I'm washin dishes up in here, all night (uh-huh) I ain't go stop until I get my money right (uh-huh) I'mma pay it right tonight I'mma pay it right tonight Hope it helps.

sweetheart765 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:22

U spelled check wrong

Sae_Ghelk 6

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:22

You spelled you wrong. And failed at correcting someone.

sportsy 7

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:27

You failed at proper grammar. Never start a sentience with and

twilight_lupus 13

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:27

If you're going to correct someone use real words not 'text language'.

melonrind 8

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:29

You're a jack ass.....God forbid someone uses proper American English spelling....

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:31

I'm guessing the spelling of "cheque" was changed by one of the "international" mods, as OP is from the US. Either that or our Kentuckian OP is an international man of mystery.

twilight_lupus 13

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:31

Sportsy.... If you're going to correct someone's grammar please spell sentence correctly..... Also your lacking a period at the end of your sentence.

jonn090 13

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:31

Nazis*

Buttsexpirate 9

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:22

That's true friendship right there bro.

Lexigrimes 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:24

Your name.. IS AMAZING. xD

midnightsky1 3

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 22:22

:[ don't worry, karma will get him sooner or later.

G97Alex 21

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:25

Not trying to sound like an asshole but can people stop commenting about how karma will get the person? It becomes really annoying when 80% of all FMLs have the same type of comment without any originality.

amayasoma 19

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:31

Well when most of the FML's end with the OP getting screwed over by friends, family, or a lover "karma" is the most appropriate thing to say in such a case.

IndiRae 9

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:32

Not trying to sound like an asshole, but can people stop pulling random statistics out of their ass? It becomes really annoying. When 93.4% of people bitch about the stupidest shit.

SimoneDymond 3

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:49

Lmao good one! 89

omfgfmlife 0

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:56

why wait for a supernatural force to take action? they know where he lives so break his legs >:O

Alexisthebestest 16

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:58

83% of all statistics are made up.

knight0748 5

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 0:14

Actually, karma can't "get" anyone. Karma is the concept of cause and effect. It's not related to the idea of good and evil. Karma is not some divine power of retribution siding with you because the cashier short changed you.